


Blood of the Brotherhood

by the_wrote



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst and Humor, Eventual Romance, F/M, Friendship, Mystery, On Hiatus, Slow Burn, gotta work for that sweet sweet alien booty, non-canon story line, sassy ryder, secret pining, will risk certain death to avoid talking about feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-10-14 10:53:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10534992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_wrote/pseuds/the_wrote
Summary: In a desperate, last ditch effort to save her team, Sara Ryder transfers the Pathfinder duties to Cora before allowing herself to be taken by a merciless group of exiles. Deceiving them into believing she is still Pathfinder and willing to give them whatever they want, she boards their shuttle with the intention of keeping them fooled for as long as possible. As new light is shed on the motives behind her kidnapping, Ryder begins to question her role and her ability to lead. Is she a Pathfinder for all? - ON HIATUS AS OF JULY 2017 -





	1. Chapter 1

Ryder knew the battle was lost when she heard SAM's voice, his warning crackling through her head with an edge so blunt she staggered with the impact: "Pathfinder, the power has been severed to the room. The other exits are blocked."

“Great. On to ‘Plan B’ then.” Plan B… she had a handful of seconds to think of a Plan B.

She laid her pistol on the ground and pressed trembling fingers against her eyelids. The clip had been exhausted minutes before but she had held it out menacingly, scarring away heads that poked over cover with a threat she couldn't back up. Her shotgun had been lost in the initial attack, a series of explosions sending the team reeling in search of cover. 

At the time, the squat, portable hovel common in all the settlements had seemed like their best bet. It had been easy with SAM’s help to lock the door behind them, buying them precious extra seconds to coordinate their retaliation. So concerned with covering the three points of entry - two doors and a window - Ryder didn’t notice the twisters of dust dancing above their head, disturbed from where it had rested just moments before on the floor.

Beside her Cora grunted, her arms trembling above her head. Sweat, before only a glistening patter across Cora's forehead, ran in rivulets down her cheeks and into her eyes. Her barrier had been what was keeping them alive, their last hope as they held out for an override of the door they were pressed against. 

Ryder didn't know how to tell them it was over. She didn't even know where to begin, how to unravel the thread of their story to find where it had begun just that morning, unpack how it lead to this. 

Jaal caught her eye, his jaw tightening as he read something on her face. Noticing the pistol abandoned where she knelt, he reached across Cora to hook his fingers around Ryder's elbow. His voice dropped as he pulled her closer to him and Cora, his tone tinted with a coloring of intimacy that belied their situation. "We can't let them overwhelm us!"

As if they heard him, the exiles pushed forward. A new round of grenades rained from above and slid down Cora's biotic barrier, some bouncing away while others pooled at the lip of the barrier. The explosion knocked her back, the barrier flickering before snuffing out. Her limbs were too heavy to lift again and she leaned against Jaal, her eyes unfocused and mouth slack. 

"Bring me the Pathfinder!” The roar of their leader carried easily across the space. This was a man who was used to being heard over gun fire and explosions. No, this was a man who _wanted_  to heard over the sounds of war. His was a voice that would chase you straight into hell.  “She is the only one we need alive!” 

“I won’t,” she assured Jaal. She held no intimacy in her tone, only wistful resignation.  

She took in the scene around them, felt a tremor in her bones as gun fire popped around them, bullets ricocheting. She thought of what it would mean if she couldn’t get them back to the Tempest: Jaal being killed, his mothers never knowing what happened; Cora’s limb body, drained and near to death already, left to rot in this metal tomb, denied a chance to plant her garden.

Plan B had to be the most batshit crazy idea she’d ever had, it had to be something that would guarantee Jaal and Cora’s survival, and by extension, the survival of the Tempest, her crew. No, not her crew: her family. 

”SAM, I'm going to ask you to do something and I need you to promise to do it." 

“Yes, Pathfinder.” 

Could he predict what she was going to ask? Did being hardwired into her brain, given front row tickets to every stunt she’d pulled, give him an insight that allowed him to predict her moves? It was easy to imagine a web laid out in front of her, SAM calculating quicker than any human which direction she would take, resigning himself to accept the consequences.

Careful to keep below cover, she edged away from Jaal, crawling on her hands and knees. When the echo of shots subsided and was replaced with the sound of furious reloading, she ducked from behind cover, arms raised in the air and her useless pistol sling over one hip . A  bullet whizzed past her, lodging in the door behind her. "Don't shoot! I’m the Pathfinder, I yield!"

The next few seconds of confusion bought her all the time she needed. Before Cora could protest and before Jaal could reach her, Ryder took another step forward. "SAM, transfer the Pathfinder connection to my second.”

"No!" Cora struggled to her feet, lost her footing and slid to the ground

"I'll come with you!" Ryder shouted at the advancing line of troops, their guns still raised. Another bullet whizzed past her. Were they threatening her or just shit shots? "For fuck's sake, I'll give you what you want but that might be hard to do if you shoot me."

"Stop firing, you idiots!" The voice rang out again and though Ryder looked for the source, she couldn't tell who was speaking. They all stared back at her through the same dirty brown visors, it was impossible to differentiate them. 

A dozen guns lowered near simultaneously. The air crackled with silence, the sudden turn of events taking everyone by surprise. Ryder pressed her lips together to keep from choking on the dust.

When she was sure she had everyone's attention, surrounded from the front by an unknown force intent on who knows what, motivated from the back by the force of lives dependent on her, she made her demands: "I go with you without a fight and they get to leave, unharmed." She raised her fingers to start a count.  "And no one follows them. And you don't blindfold me, I'm not into that."

"We don't negotiate," one of the exiles spat at her. He rushed to fill the gap between them, his long legs making quick work of the distance. To illustrate his point, he swung his gun towards the stack of crates she had been cowering behind moments before. “You’re the only one we require.”

“I’ll make it easy, there’s no need to negotiate." She stepped in front of his gun and pulled her own, holding the muzzle to the space beneath her chin. ”Someone wants me alive. Are you going to be the one to disappoint? In my experience, schemes like this tend to thrive when the person you’re trying to take alive doesn’t die.”

“Come now, we can speak about this like adults.” Jostled aside from behind, the exile yield the floor to the man whose voice matched the commands Ryder had been hearing.

Noticeably absent of any weapons, this one was dressed differently than the shock troops they had squared off against. No armor, dressed like a man running errands, Ryder wondered where he had been this whole time - surely it couldn't have been in the midst of all that had happened. He approached with his chin held high and arms folded loosely behind his back. About the same size as Ryder, he moved like a caged beast. Underestimating him based on his small stature hinted at being the wrong choice. 

"Oh, no wonder I couldn't see you!" Ryder snapped her fingers together like she had just solved the most pressing mystery of the day. "I never look down, it's a bad habit I know. I'm always tripping over my feet."

He inspected Ryder like a disappointed teacher preparing to lecture his least favorite pupil. When his gaze swept over her, climbing slowly from her feet to the top of her head, her stomach soured. She matched his gaze and titled her to the side, a dangerous smile hiding the panic she felt.  

“Your terms are acceptable,” he conceded. Without turning away from her, he dictated a series of orders in a language she didn’t recognize and her translator couldn’t pick up. 

With an expectant and wicked smile, he focused his attention on her once more and held out his hand. “Your weapon.”

She had already decided when she saw Cora’s barrier falter that she would be willing to do anything to get the other two off this damned astroid. Holding onto a useless weapon and risking their ire was not part of the plan and she handed it over willingly. She had other ways of making them regret trapping them when it was time. 

He examined the gun with a shrewd eye, the fingers of his free hand roaming over the barrel and grip before finding the clip release. Surprise, followed by a twisted smile of approval, blossomed across his shriveled features. “How bold.”

“I was never very good at math, could have sworn I had one bullet left,” Ryder said with a shrug. “I would never _willingly_ deceive you.”

Quick as a viper strike, he grasped her upper arm and jerked her forward, his grip strong enough to pinch her skin beneath the armor. The smile had melted, his face pulled into a scowl that left crevices in his brow and cheeks. “It would be best not to test me,” he hissed in her ear before shoving her backwards. “Take her now!”

“NO!” 

Ryder turned to see Jaal rushing from cover with his gun raised. Cora reached out to stop him, her hand closing on the edges of his cape for a single heart beat before it ripped from her finger tips. She lowered her arm in defeat, agony etched deeply in her sallow features. 

The air disappeared, sucked out of the room or else out of Ryder’s lungs, speckles of dust halting their downward spiral to hang in the air like decoration. She counted the steps it would take for Jaal to reach her and the number of bullets that would hit their mark when he did. 

Careening recklessly, she thrust herself in front of Jaal, her hands held out to stop him. She meant to yell at him, tell him to stop or urge him to turn back, but the words fizzed on her tongue when she heard the pop of a round being fired behind her. 

It was hard to tell what was worse, the loss of feeling in her legs or the ripping sensation across her back that sent shockwaves of spams through her body. The ground was not kind as she bowed to meet it. Another sharp pain stabbed through her shoulder and she finally gasped, the air bubbling in her throat. 

Through a rapidly narrowing tunnel, she saw Jaa thrown to the ground. A glimpse of a boot pressed against his chest. The muzzle of a gun swung low, an easy shot. 

"Leave them!" She winced as the shout reverberated in her ear. "Get her out of here. When I find out who pulled the fucking trigger - "

Blissful darkness and silence finally enveloped her as frightfully strong arms gripped her around the middle, lifting her off the ground and into unconsciousness. 

* * *

 

Cora heard the door's lock click seconds before it hissed open. She had triggered the motion activated mechanism being pressed so closely to the metal, but she was too tired to shift her body away from the door in time. Yelping in pain, she fell through the opening, tumbling onto the stairs, only a last second decision keeping her from snapping her wrists as she attempted to catch herself.

Starved of fresh air, she drew in as many lung fulls as she could handle without making herself black out. Even in the open she could smell the sweat and dust that clung to her. Without the stench, she might have confused the silence all around her for peace. 

Bruised and limping, Jaal followed her out into the open, although his entrance was less dramatic. If he noticed the tumble Cora took, he didn't make a move to help her up. Instead he lowered himself to the top step. 

The pair sat in silence, drifting through space the same as they had been when they had first left the Tempest. Neither could say how long ago that had been. Time had stopped for them while they had been trapped but apparently it had kept a linear path all around them.

“We lost the Pathfinder,” Cora finally said.

“No, we have the Pathfinder.” Jaal’s hand found hers and he gave her a consolatory squeeze. “We lost something we can’t replace.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to @thesassblr for editing and helping to turn some of my awkward sentences into words that make sense!

Snippets of conversation invaded her dreams. 

_ “This is not going as planned.” _

She was lost in a cave, or maybe it was a never ending series of tunnels designed to keep her angry and confused. The floor was slick and spotted with puddles, making it difficult for her to keep her footing. The sounds of her feet sloshing as she searched for a way out echoed all around her. 

_ “It was a bad plan to begin with.” _

Should she go left or right? Hadn’t she been down this tunnel before?

It was dark and she was cold. Her suit had been stripped away piece by piece, leaving her shivering in her thin, Initiative issued uniform. Out of the corner of her eye she tracked the movement of her crew as they followed her. They ghosted through walls or fell through the ground if she tried to reach out to them. 

“I told you this was a bad fucking idea,” Liam said. His lips moved out of synch and he smiled.

“And I told you to stand down! If she dies, I swear…“ she couldn’t understand what else Drack meant to say, his words trailing off into a series of elaborate threats.

“She’s not going to die. Thankfully you’re a terrible shot, but you all are driving me mad. I’ll call you as soon as she wakes.” Lexi tapped away at her data pad, not bothering to look up. “That’s it, Ryder,” she cooed, “you’ll be just fine, just fine….” 

Darkness and silence welcomed her back into their midst. 

* * *

 

Ryder raised a hand to block the light shining in her face. 

“Aaaaand she’s awake! Easy now - here, let me help you up.” Rough, cold hands slipped under her arm, helping her to sit up despite the cramp that numbed her right side. 

It took a moment for her to adjust to the light, and sitting up straight was a stomach clenching experience in nausea. She counted footsteps as they receded, trying to pull herself out of a fog that clouded every sense. Once the world stopped spinning and she could think beyond her rolling stomach, she assessed her surroundings with a shrewd eye. 

First, she noticed how small the room was; crates and boxes were stacked all the way to the ceiling, with some tipped on their side to fill every inch of space. It was an organized mess, everything arranged specifically to leave the center of the room clear.

Second, she noticed the door, only a few strides away from the foot of the cot she was sitting on. The light was green, the hum of power flowing through it just barely audible in the silence.

Third, she noticed the smell and gagged immediately. Her already rolling stomach pitched in protest. It was a thick, ripe smell that was cloying in its overwhelming power. It reminded her of boot camp, about three weeks in, when the smell of everyone’s rank bodies had saturated itself into the walls of the bunker.

Someone laughed, a high pitched laugh that made Ryder think of a storybook princess. “I’m sorry, you’ll get used to it eventually. It always smells like that.” 

Ryder swiveled her head to search for the owner of that musical laugh. She locked onto the tail end of a thick, blonde braid and followed it up to the source. A woman stood with only her profile visible, her face intently studying a terminal, her fingers tapping a rhythmic pace against the keyboard. Her foot tapped in tune to an unheard song. 

Wearing her best stink eye, Ryder cleared her throat, hoping to warrant enough attention that the woman looked at her. All she got was a raised eyebrow and a slight head tilt. “I’m listening,” the woman assured her.

When sulking in the silence warranted no additional response, Ryder gave up and asked a neutral question: “Where am I?”

“You are in my office slash operating room slash med bay.” The woman laughed again and finally turned to face Ryder. Her cheeks and nose were red, like she had recently given them a good scrub and accidentally took a little more off than just dirt. And while her broad shoulders gave a hint of what she used to look like, she had long since withered away, her arms and legs too long and spindly, her collarbone prominently displayed in a loose fitting tank top.

Despite herself, Ryder found it easy to relax in the warmth of those brown eyes and couldn’t help but return the woman’s toothy smile. 

Then she remembered the way Jaal’s voice cracked with anguish as he dove from cover, the look of rage on his face a fraction of a second before she felt the hot tendrils of pain. 

More than just the memory of pain followed. Gasping for air, her lungs constricting, she struggled to keep from crying out. She ran her hands over her body, exploring her sides and lower back, trying to find a source of the pain. 

“Oh, easy there!” The doctor pulled Ryder’s hands away, squeezing them in a grip that felt too strong for such a slender frame. “You’re okay… but I think the sedatives are wearing off. You were shot, do you remember?” 

Ryder no longer trusted those eyes. She wrestled her hands free and shoved at the woman hard enough to send her to the ground. “Yeah I  _ remember _ being shot!” she screeched, her pain and panic mingling to create a toxic feeling that ate away at her composure.

Not willing to lose the advantage, she rolled from the bed and stumbled towards the door. The doctor yelled something, her words too jumbled and rushed to make sense. It was either a plea for Ryder to come back or a plea for help.

"Open you piece of shit!" She pressed against the door, struggling as if she could push herself through solid metal if she only tried hard enough. As soon as there was a space big enough for her to get through she darted out, her knees and elbows banging against the edges of the door as she did. There would be time later to figure out where she was and what she needed to do. Right now she needed a place to hide. 

“Not so fast, girly.”

Thick arms wrapped around her hips, her captor hoisting her in the air with not even a grunt to suggest it was difficult. She dug her nails into hairy forearms and braced her feet against the wall, pushing off with as much force as she could manage. Whoever was holding onto her tripped and fell backwards, but their grip was still tight enough that she went with them.

The sensation of skin tearing along her lower back startled her and she felt something warm soak into the fabric of her thin tee. She writhed and gnashed her teeth, clawing at her captor in another attempt to free herself. 

“Stop!” The familiar voice of the doctor floated down the hall towards them, her plea almost drowned out by the sound of her feet clunking as she stumbled towards the struggling pair. “You’re going to hurt her Murphy, let her go.”

Murphy did as he was bid, though it was a not so friendly shove that sent her rolling to the ground. “Doc, she nearly broke my neck!” he whined as he climbed to his feet. 

“Oh boo hoo,” Ryder mocked as she struggled to find her own footing, backing up to put distance between the two of them. “That’s what you get for grabbing me like that.”

“Oh yeah? Well that’s what ya get fo' runnin'!”

“Oh,  _ well _ , I guess that’s what you get for - “

“This conversation is over,” the doctor cut in, inserting herself physically between the two. Ryder had puffed her chest out to make herself look bigger, finally making use of her stink eye. Murphy, who was as thick as a Krogan and likely just as thorny, didn’t look too put out. 

The doctor took the time to give them both a withering look before turning her back to Murphy, her focus softening as she looked Ryder up and down. “Did you feel your stitches rip?” she asked, an obvious hint of worry in her voice.

Stubborn and distrustful, Ryder crossed her arms over her chest and scuffed her foot against the ground. “No,” she lied. Like hell she was going to let that woman touch her again.

Clearly not fooled, the other woman merely tilted her head and offered another toothy grin. “That’s good. I was able to staunch the bleeding and we had enough medi-gel to spare that it healed almost completely. It just needed a little help.” She pressed two fingers together to mime skin knitting back together and winked.

“Waste, if ya ask me,” Murphy mumbled behind her.

That was a shared sentiment, although Ryder did a good job of looking offended by the assumption she was a waste. Medi-gel had made up a sizable percentage of packed medical supplies, but the goal had never been to bring enough to sustain the effort, only enough to see them through until they could make more planetside. With a different source of resources to draw from, the Andromeda quick fix gel was sadly lackluster when compared to its predecessor.

“Please, if you would,” the doctor took a step back and motioned for Ryder to follow. “Lonny is waiting for us. He will be able to answer your questions.” 

Not waiting for Ryder’s response, the doctor turned on her heel and bustled down the hall, though she slowed down to give Murphy a playful pinch on his arm. As an afterthought she called over her shoulder, “My name is Lia but you can just call me Doc. Everyone does.”

Ryder considered her options. She could try to run again, but the pain in her back was quickly becoming more than a minor annoyance, and it was doubtful she would make it very far. Murphy might not be so gentle next time and he could easily squish her head between his massive, hairy knuckled hands. 

On the other hand, she could follow through with the plan that had led her down this road to begin with. It would be in her best interest - both in the short term and if there was ever any hope of there being a long term - to con Lonny into thinking she would be willing to work with them. 

She started out after Lia, stopping briefly when she crossed paths with Murphy. “Don’t call me girly,” she snapped. 

Murphy grunted, keeping his arms crossed and his head low.

Trailing after the fast walking doctor, she committed every turn they took and every door they passed to memory. They had yet to pass by a window, but the floors and walls were too quiet to be a ship, so she knew they had to be grounded.

Lia finally came to a halt and waited patiently for Ryder to catch up. 

“Now that we’re clear of Murphy, I should tell you that I know your stitches tore. Would you let me look at them, please?” She pulled something out of her pocket that looked like a syringe and balanced it on her open palm. “I only stitched you up because I needed to wait a few hours to administer another one of these, but it’s been long enough that I can give you a quick jab and be done.”

“Jab is a real unfriendly term, Doc,” Ryder said gruffly, her shoulders raised in agitation. “Is that the official medical vernacular?" Why couldn’t this woman be a normal evil doctor, one that left her bleeding and hurt?  

“Out here it is.” Lia tossed her braid over a shoulder and took a step forward. When Ryder didn’t run or put up her hands for a fight, Lia motioned with fingers for her to spin around.

Ryder did as she was bid and rolled her shirt up to expose her back to an alleged doctor who was approaching with what she claimed to be a canister of medi-gel. Worst case scenario she got stabbed in the spine, but at least then all the confusion about her motives would be resolved. 

“This is going to be cold.”

Ryder twitched when she felt Lia’s hand alight on her waist. “Your hands or the gel?”

Lia laughed apologetically while spreading a thin layer of gel over the puckered, angry looking wound. “Both, sorry. Well, that’s done then. You’ll have a scar, I think, but there was no internal bleeding. You’ll be sore for the next few days and you’ll need to - “

More aggressively than needed, Ryder spun around and tugged her shirt back down. She held out a hand to stop Lia and motioned to the door behind her with a jerk of her head. “I don’t need medical advice. Let’s get this over with.” 

A flash of - discomfort? regret? Ryder couldn't name it - crossed Lia's features before disappearing behind an apple cheeked smile. "Of course. Let’s go see Lonny.” 

Turning back towards the door, she pressed her hand against the screen of a terminal, tapping her foot again as she waited for the scan to complete. The door slid open and the two stepped over the threshold, each wearing a similar look of glum foreboding now that they thought the other couldn't see. 

This room at least didn’t smell as bad, though it featured worse company. 

The short man who had faced off against Ryder was seated at a desk, his deep set eyes already tracking Ryder’s movements towards him. There would be less confusion about his motives concerning her; a pistol took up a corner of desk space, his hands hands folded neatly next to it. 

“Ryder,” he said, inclining his head to a chair across from him.

She took his direction and perched on the edge of her seat, feet flat on the ground, elbows on knees. 

This room was small too, although poorly lit and nearly empty. Shadows darkened the corners and creeped into the pockets of space between two, waist high lamps. One side of Lonny’s face was dappled with shadows, the poor lighting emphasizing the sharp jut of his cheekbones. Ryder could see a nick over his lip, the only mar on his otherwise smooth, hairless face.

“I think,” he began slowly, “that I should begin by apologizing.”

“Oof, I might need more than that. Are you sorry that you tricked me into landing on an asteroid with a fake distress signal and then tried to kill me, or are you sorry that you shot me and almost killed me?”

“Lia assures me that you were never in any  _ real  _ danger of dying. Nothing vital was hit.” He winced, his words unconvincing even to his own ears. “I don’t have any interest in harming you. What happened was an unfortunate consequence. Our situation has become dire.”

“Excuse me if I find that hard to believe.” Ryder glowered and folded her arms across her chest. “If you really had any interest in ‘working’ with me, you could have approached me like a normal person. I have an email address.”

He shook his head. “That was not an option. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about the way things happened.” A terse pause followed and he chewed on his next words before speaking. “The other two made it back to the ship unharmed. I kept my word.” 

Relief flooded through her on a current too powerful to hide. When she felt her jaw start to tremble she clenched her teeth, schooling her face back into a mask of disinterest. “I guess I can’t be too upset that you shot me. After all, I didn’t explicitly say that you  _ couldn’t _ . I should have listed it with my demands. What a learning experience this has all been.”

The carefully constructed air of friendliness that Lonny had colored his tone with leeched away as his face fell into a mask of fury. “You have  _ no idea _ what we’ve been going through down here!” he hissed at her. “I’m sure Addison and Tann were happy they were able to cast so many of us off the station, it sure cut down on costs.”

“Save your - “

“Shut up!” he roared, rising with such force that his chair shrieked in protest as it scraped across the floor. “You don’t get an opinion on this. You weren’t there, you didn’t see what we did. That hasn’t stopped you from taking up the Nexus’ banner, though, has it?”

He crossed from behind the desk and made his way towards Ryder. Before she could rise and put distance between them, he was standing over her, his hands pressing into her shoulders to hold her in place. 

“I’ve been watching you,  _ Pathfinder _ Ryder.” The word Pathfinder slid off his tongue, his mouth puckering as he tasted how sour the word was. “You’ve brought hope to a lot of people. I think it’s about time you share the vision with us.”

Despite how much she wanted to pull herself free, stand and defend herself, she stayed seated, forcing her body to relax beneath the clap of his hands. She spoke around her clenched teeth, the words hissing in the air. “What do you want? Credits? Supplies? Tann won’t pay for me.”

  
“I want,” he said with a shake, “ _ hope _ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the comments below, tell me your favorite glitch that you've come across in ME:A and I'll try to work it into a chapter. Mine is when you try to talk to your pals and they walk through the wall to avoid you!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to thesassblr for taking the time to edit, even though she's crazy sick and should be resting like a normal person!!

Liam slammed his fists down on the table, the violent display sending Peebee scurrying back a few steps. “That’s the wrong call!” he shouted, rounding on Cora. The bandages on his left hand blossomed red, fresh and bright.

“Calm down, Kosta.” Cora enunciated each word and raised her hands, palms out, as she stepped closer. “I know you’re upset. We are _all_ upset.”

“Telling Tann is the wrong call. If he knows that Ryder is gone he won’t want us to waste time looking for her. She made you the Pathfinder, that’s all he fucking cares about.”

“I hate to admit it,” Vetra added, “but Kosta’s right.”

Cora kept her composure despite the frenzy of anxiety that brewed just below the surface. The med bay had become crowded in the hours after she and Jaal had been extracted back to the Tempest from the evac point. Now everyone was surrounding her and she was finding it difficult to concentrate through the ringing in her ears. Everyone was sure they had the right idea about what to do and no one was satisfied until they had argued any point that was raised to death.

But she was getting tired, her eyelids drooping despite the urgency of the situation. She’d barely had time to think about how she felt being made the Pathfinder before the crew erupted. She felt like she was in a grave made of her own shortcomings and everyone was standing over her, taking turns shoveling their own anxieties into the pit. 

“And what,” Cora reasoned, desperate to keep the conversation from escalating any further, “do you think is going to happen when Tann finds out that she’s gone and we didn’t tell him? We don’t have a choice. Tann recognizes the value Ryder has brought, he won’t - “

“Screw that.” Liam shook his head and began pacing the room. The movements agitated him and Cora knew he was working himself up for another outburst. Lexi had already scolded him once while she bandaged his knuckles after one too many collisions with the wall.

Vetra intervened before any more damage could be done. “Cora, please, give us time to look. I understand what you’re saying, but we should go to Tann with more information than we have. Let me reach out, pull some strings, see what I can find. Exiles have the same choice of planets to settle on as everyone else. They can’t have disappeared; there’s a clue out there.”

“Yeah, okay.” Cora sighed and finally let her eyes flutter closed. Since they had been brought back, everyone had treated her like the enemy, as if she had anything to gain from Ryder being gone. It might have been a hole she dug herself, her own trepidation obvious months ago when Alec had died, but it felt unfair. She was too tired and raw to keep debating the merits of her concern.

Conversation continued around her but Cora had stopped listening, swaying on her feet as her body begged for rest. Fragments of words broke through the haze, but the longer she kept her eyes closed, the easier it was to continue to ignore everything around her. 

“Hey, uh, Cora?” Peebee’s voice, surprisingly silent during the majority of the meeting, sounded close to Cora’s ear. “Everyone has left,” she whispered, “I just wanted… uh… ah shit.”

Cora opened her eyes to see Peebee hovering close, her face twisted into a grimace.

“What is it, Peebee?”

“I juuuust wanted to saaay that I’m sorry and if you need anyone to like, talk to, I’m… inmyroomandyoucancomeseeme.” Her hand darted out and poked Cora’s, a half attempt at a reassuring squeeze that was aborted before she could embarrass herself any further. Without waiting for a reply, she turned and slunk from the room, her hands gesturing to articulate a conversation she was having with herself.

A lump of burden dissolved with that one simple hand poke. With no one to impress, she let herself crumble. She wanted to see her plants, wanted to feel the warmth of the heat lamps against her skin, but she couldn’t stomach the walk to her quarters. 

Her body stiff and sore, she shuffled towards a bed, her tiredness increasing the closer she got. The med bay was noisy, a constant whir of machinery. Laying under a thin shock blanket, the mattress a hard slab beneath her, she welcomed the noise.

The feelings of loss, helplessness, frustration… she knew they would pass. She had survived losing Alec. She would survive losing Sara.

* * *

“I’m sorry, I think I just heard you say that you expect me to raid Prodromos’ supply drops, but there’s no way that’s true?” Ryder shook her head and tugged on her earlobe. Part of her was being difficult on purpose, digging in the talons of resistance whenever she could, but another part of her was hopeful that she hadn’t heard him correctly. 

Unimpressed as always with her theatrics, Lonny turned towards Lia and nodded. The doctor returned the nod but her eyes found Ryder’s over his shoulder. She spared a grim, tight lipped smile before heading towards the back of the room and disappearing through a door that was hidden in shadow. 

“We are part of the Nexus and we’re due our share of help,” Lonny continued, his hard eyes focusing on her once more. This was a theme of his, Ryder noted, one that made her hate him even more. She was two steps outside the loop and he was keen on making that fact known, letting her witness plans unfold around her before he threw her a modicum of information. 

“You _were_ part of the Nexus,” she corrected. “You lost the safeguards afforded to you. You’re ‘due’ nothing.”

“Like I said before: you don’t get an opinion on this matter.” Turning away he paused, his shoulders rolled back, a finger pressed against his lips. The sharp, straight slope of his nose as he turned his head made her think of a statue she had seen in a museum during shore leave on Earth. “Unearthed: Human History Brought to Light” was the name of the exhibit.

He spoke to her over his shoulder, like she didn’t deserve his full attention. “Tell me, Pathfinder, how do you think I found you?”

This was a sore point for Ryder, one that had been eating away at the back of her mind but that she had yet to afford full attention to. 

The distress signal Suvi had picked up on had been received two solar systems away, the message intended explicitly for the Tempest and her crew. The sound of screams, gunfire and pleads for help had dampened Ryder’s sense of caution, and she had led them straight to the navpoints provided. 

Even the state of the fake settlement hadn’t been suspect enough to keep her from pushing forward. It had been empty, dark, the only sounds coming from the three of them. Things hadn’t been adding up but still Ryder had allowed herself to be pulled along, the potential for good to come more important than any perceived risk.

She had fucked up _that_ cost benefit analysis. 

When she didn’t answer, Lonny elaborated as he walked back to his desk: “It’s not like you’re working under the radar. Your ‘exploits’ are known across the whole galaxy and your ship is recognized in every port. I bring this up because it’s important for you to understand what happens if you don’t cooperate.”

Ryder had a bad feeling about where he was going with his tirade, but she stayed silent, chewing on the inside of her cheeks to keep back the asinine comments that danced on her tongue.

“I know that you don’t have much value for your own life. Others might think it was brave of you to do what you did, but you and I both know that it was probably the easiest decision you could have made. I wonder what your father would have thought of that? I wonder what your brother would have done?”

Bile rose to her throat and she dug her fingers into her palms to keep from reaching for his neck. She thought of Scott, wobbly kneed and still bed ridden on the Nexus, and her dad, whose secrets had been coming for her from beyond the grave. 

What would they have done? She squeezed her eyes shut, slid her palms against her thighs as if she could push the panic away. Now was _not_ the time to pull out a ruler and start taking measurements. 

He read her easily and chuckled, a nasty sneer of a laugh. He seated himself once again, taking the time to adjust his chair and lay his hands in front of him. His knuckles were bleached white and cracked as he squeezed his hands together. “If you don’t do exactly what I tell you to do, it will take me all of five minutes to find your crew. I will disable the shields on your ship. I will board the Tempest and drag you behind me. I will - “

“You are really feelin’ this speech right now, but can we just move on? I get the picture. You’ll kill my brother, too, right? That’s where this is going?” 

“ _Do_ you understand? You have a hero complex and I don’t want to be held accountable for any poor decisions you make from here on out. If you decide to screw us over, know that I warned you of the consequences.”

Before she could make a scathing comment about the complex she suspected he had, Lia returned, her arms full. Ryder recognized the brown headgear that sat on top of the bundle and pressed her lips into a tight line. If she was one of them, she was going to have to dress like them.

“Thank you, Lia.” Lonny’s tone was polite, even tinted with soft admiration, and Lia’s cheeks flushed. “I’ll leave you to it, then.” He pursed his lips and took in Ryder slumped against the back of her chair before leaving, his chin and feeling of self importance high. 

Lia dumped the pile on the desk, sweeping the pistol left behind off the desk. “I brought you something to change into.” She patted the folded bundle of clothes as she spoke, laying out the same brown helmet and a threadbare bandana.  

“And two treats!” She spun towards Ryder and held up her hands, a slender curve of plastic in each palm. 

Ryder raised a brow, examining one with a tentative prod. “Strangest cookies I’ve ever seen.”

“May I? These are my own design, I’m pretty proud.” She kneeled next to Ryder and carefully hooked one over each ear. They fit perfectly, the texture soft and spongy, and once it was in place Ryder barely felt a thing. 

“This one,” Lia said, adjusting the one over her left ear, “will keep you from interfacing with SAM. There is no way to connect to your implant here, but out there you’ll be able to. I’m sure you understand.”

“What’s to stop me from taking it off now that you’ve told me what it does?” She meant for her voice to sound light, a joke to ease the rising tide of tension that left her feeling at a disadvantage, but it came out sounding strained, her voice catching as she spoke.

Lia frowned, a crease forming between her brows. This close, Ryder could see how thin her hair was, split ends curling around her splotchy face.  

“Please don’t do that,” Lia whispered. She caught Ryder’s gaze, the warm hues of her tawny eyes shrinking as her pupils dilated, replaced by a hard edge that made Ryder shift uncomfortably in her seat. “We don’t want to hurt you.” 

Ryder let the silence hang between them as Lia shifted to her other side. This woman may have stitched her back up, but she was just making an investment in a pawn they planned to keep in play for as long as possible.

Lia finally broke the silence, pointing to the second device.

“This one is my pet project, my baby if you will!” Even the dourness of what had just transpired between them couldn’t keep the elation from her face. She clapped her hands together, her eyes shining bright once more, more childlike in that moment than seemed possible with her broad shoulders and stretched, gangly form. 

“This one works on other people’s translators, it modulates your words by replacing them with odd bits and pieces from random languages. You’ll be able to understand us, but no one else will know what you’re saying.”

“Okay, that’s pretty impressive.” Ryder danced her fingers down the length of the piece cradled behind her ear and felt a button that gave when she applied pressure. “I can switch it off and on?” 

“Yes! It’s brilliant, my best piece of work! My life’s ambition come to fruition!” 

“Damn, Doc. Where did you learn to do all this?”

“Oh, ummm.” Lia pulled her lower lip between her teeth and ducked her head, her neck and ears turning a startling shade of red. “Back home, er, in the Milky Way, I was an engineering tech. People call me Doc mainly as a joke, but I’m the best option we have.” 

Ryder felt a slight tremor take root in her eye and was glad that she was already sitting. “Please tell me that was actually medi gel and not glue or lubricant?” 

“Well, it wouldn’t be the first time I made that mistake, but I double checked the label just for you.”

* * *

A small shuttle, carrying the four of them, converged on the drop point under the pink and orange streaked sky of twilight. Lonny had taken the time to flex the extent of his knowledge once again before they had taken off, his lips curled in a wicked smile as he handed her a data pad. “Those are the navpoints to the latest drop the Nexus is expecting from Prodromos.”

The implication was as transparent as her seething hatred for him: he had access to Scott, ways to get to her crew, and now encrypted information that was passed between the colony and the Nexus. Whoever Lonny was now, who he used to be was a more disturbing thought. 

The shuttle was silent as they approached their target. She watched as the sun dipped beneath the horizon and wondered how much time had passed since she had been taken. Did her crew assume she was dead when no demand for ransom came? 

Their guns held empty clips, a condition she had insisted upon that eased the tremors of everyone’s hands except Murphy. She doubted that they would run into anyone, but Bradley was sensitive to supply drops being raided. He took it as a personal failing. It wouldn’t be a complete surprise to see a small number of armed settlers, and she had been tasked with stealing supplies, not killing.

Thick nets, welded to the bottom of the shuttle to increase the amount of weight they could carry, had been tied flat to the hull to keep from creating drag as they flew low to the ground. As soon as they landed, they needed only to unknot the ropes and the nets would spread out in the space between the shuttle and the ground. 

Ryder surveyed the crew she had been given. Murphy no doubt was there to keep an eye on her, but the other two were thin, sallow faced and scraggly. From the way their hands shook as they had unloaded their clips, she doubted they had ever pointed a gun, much less held one. 

“You two are pretty green, aren’t you?” she asked one of them, her voice echoing in the comm device that linked the four of them. 

“That’s ‘coz they ain’t soldiers,” Murphy answered for them.

“What are you then?”

“I’m Gary,” one spoke up. He was clinging to the handrail, crouched low so he could hook his elbow between the bar and the wall. “I was a teacher. Back on Earth. Smuggling ring.” His voice was high, cheerful, like he was reciting a list of traits that would best help her understand his character.

“Shut the fuck up, Gary.” Murphy’s meaty fist smacked into Gary’s back. The little man yelped and scampered out of arm’s reach, sliding down the bar with his elbow still hooked around it. 

“O-okay?” Ryder looked between the two, her mouth puckered in confusion. Murphy refused to catch her eye, baring his teeth in a threatening display towards the cowering Gay. “I was once caught stealing,” she added, casting Gary a sympathetic shrug.

“I’m Jarrod,” the fourth man said, raising his hand as a greeting. He didn’t cling so tightly to the shuttle, but his mouth was drawn in a line so tight it leached the color out of his face.

“Any fun facts about yourself you want to share, Jarrod? Snake oil salesman, maybe? Ever murder anyone?”

“Actually - “

“No fun facts,” Murphy broke in, his command loud enough that they could hear it over the sound of the engines. 

The shuttle slowed for descent, the landing legs squealing as they pulled away from the bottom of the craft. Murphy was the first out, his feet hitting the hard packed earth with enough force to send up clods of dirt. 

The supply drop was isolated and far away from Padromos, situated on the top of a steep vista. They were surrounded on either side by the deep gauge of canyons that were common to Eos. There were only two ways to safely get off: flying straight over the canyons or along the long, spindly stretch of land that curved towards level ground. 

When he nodded the all clear, Ryder jumped down next to him, Gary and Jarrod following close on her heels. The two men split up, taking post on opposite sides of the shuttle to act as look outs.

Ryder surveyed the pile of crates before them. They had been neatly organized, labeled to make it easier for the Nexus crew who were due in the morning to pick them up. Prodromos was barely scraping by yet they shared the demands of supporting the lives that floated in space above them with the other outposts. They were required to send food, minerals and resources.

They may be taking from what the Nexus demanded, but the settlers at Prodromos would suffer the loss as well. Good, hard working people, many that had nothing to do with the decisions that angered Lonny, would fall victim to the scheme even more so than the brass back on the Nexus.

“Take these ones over here,” she heard herself say to Murphy as she circled the crates, gesturing as she spoke. “These two will be too heavy for the shuttle, they’re just full of rocks for Chief Lucan.” She still found dirt encrusted under her nails from the hours she had spent chipping away at new materials to send back. 

Murphy made quick work of the supplies, the veins in his biceps straining as he tossed crate on top of crate. Ryder struggled to keep pace. 

The jumpsuit they had given her, the same dingy brown as everyone else, clung to her body. Even without the sun beating down on them she was overheated. She pulled the helmet from her head and tugged the bandanna she had used to cover her mouth down, sucking in deep breaths of cool, night air. 

Murphy paused as well, his gaze menacing as he looked over at her straining to lift a crate filled with food. “Is that all yer gonna do?” he asked, motioning to the only two she had managed to roll onto the very edge of the net.

“I’m _healing_ ,” she said icily.

“Uh, guys? We have company!” Gary’s voice crackled over the comm link.

Crouched, half hidden behind the crate she had been trying to lift, she looked up to exchange grim looks with Murphy. His eyes burned through her with a fervor of accusations. She wanted to run to Gary, push him aside and see for herself but she held her ground, her heels digging into the earth as she rocked back on her haunches. 

“How many?” she finally asked. She scanned the horizon in vain, her eyes straining to focus on shadows. Could the Nexus have sent a crew down early, or was it a squadron of colonists?

Gary peered through the scope of his rifle, his face twisting in concentration. “It’s a big purple one. One of those aliens.” 

The familiar feeling of air being sucked from her lungs left her light headed, the way she often felt around him, when thinking about him. What was Jaal doing on Eos?

“And, uh, an even bigger orange - oh shit, that’s a Krogan!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments and kudos are always appreciated, thank you so much!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to @thesassblr and @animarosa for editing and making suggestions! <3

"I had no way of contacting them!" Ryder rose, her hands raised in the air as a show of concession. "You know I couldn't have, there's no way. This is just bad, bad,  _ bad _ luck."

"What do we do?" Gary's voice trembled. 

What should _she_ do? There was no way to know if Lonny could back up his threat. Here was an opportunity presented to escape, the timing too perfect to be anything but fate. She could rip off her helmet and run. Their guns were empty, and even though she knew Murphy had a spare clip, it would take him a few seconds to load his gun. Those few, precious seconds…. 

She looked towards the stretch of ground that led to the two hulking silhouettes coming into view.

No, she couldn’t risk him - them. Not again.

“Everyone back on the shuttle! Hurry up, there’s a grumpy Krogan that’s going to eat you if you don’t.”

Her movements clumsy and rushed, she adjusted her bandana and visor then untangled the ropes, using them to tie the nets closed. She had left too much of a lead and extra rope pooled at her feet but she didn’t have the patience to retie the knots. They would have have to fly low and slow with the nets hanging below them which limited the amount of time they had to escape.

“Ya tellin’ me this is just a real funny ka-wink-a-dink?” Murphy blocked out the last light from the sun, snuffing out her own shadow as he stood in her path. He stooped until his face was inches from her. 

“First, please don’t ever say that word again. Second, yes, that  _ is _ what I’m telling you.” They squared off, her shoulders rolled back and his jaw clenched so tight the bone might crack. “I don’t gain anything by contacting them - even if I could,  _ which I can’t _ \- and I have just as much interest in getting away from here.” She clapped her hands together to illustrate the critical timeframe they were constricted by. “As quickly as possible.”

His eyes were hard as he judged her words. If they’d had the time, she would have relished arguing further, but the life of her crew back on the Tempest depended on Jaal and Drack not knowing that she was here. 

“Murphy,” she begged, her voice cracking as she reached for him, her fingers hooking on his sleeve, “I don’t want anything to happen to them, I would  _ never _ risk it. We have to get out here.” 

“Ah shit.” Murphy sighed and turned away from her, something in her tone or her wide eyes softening him up enough to believe her. He tugged on his sleeve, brushing away the ghost of her touch with a furrowed brow. “What’s the plan?”

“Get on the shuttle and be ready to fly that way,” she pointed towards the edge of the cliff. “I’ll stall them for as long as possible. But we can’t let Drack….” she shuddered as she thought of him launching himself at the shuttle. He would bring it down and then drag them from the wreckage by their necks. “If you have to, go. I’ll catch up.” 

Murphy spread his arms and herded Gary and Jarrod towards the shuttle. They were standing shoulder to shoulder, their jaws slack. Jarrod had his gun out and held an arm’s length away, a noticeable tremor shifting the barrel towards Ryder, then to her left, to her right, back on her. 

“Jarrod!” A revelation occurred, the absurdity of the thought overwhelming her priorities for a moment. “Are you the one who shot me?” 

Murphy shoved Jarrod’s shoulder, pulling his attention away from answering her question. “What the fuck are ya gonna do with those, throw ‘em? Get on before she hears the answer and changes her mind ‘bout savin’ yer ass!” 

Murphy didn’t wait for the steps to be lowered. He grasped the lip of the shuttle and pulled himself through the door. Gary and Jarrod danced nervously by his side as they waited, throwing feverish glances over their shoulders. She thought she saw Jarrod mouth something like  _ sorry _ , but it could have just as easily been a prayer, his lips flapping soundlessly.  

Seated with his legs hanging out the door, Murphy frowned down at Ryder, his bandana pulled loose to drape across his neck and a gun balanced across his thighs. “If you don’t come back Lonny is going to kill me!” he shouted, easily heard over the engines. The nets that bulged with their stolen goods trembled as the shuttle rocked on its landing gear and Murphy gripped the partly closed door to keep from being tossed to the ground.

She winked, but realizing that he couldn't see it through her visor she flashed a thumbs up. “I can’t promise much in life, but I swear that I won’t let anyone kill you before I can.”

“Pretty words.” He grinned, creases around his eyes and mouth hinting that in another life, another galaxy, he might have done it often. 

Ryder turned to face the approaching figures, the shuttle and cliff face at her back. 

“Who are you?” Drack’s rumbling voice heard easily across the distance. 

“You’ve already used that line on me, don’t tell me you’re losing your wit in old age?” she answered, knowing Lia’s device would scramble her response. 

They slowed their pace, coming to stop a few yards away. Jaal’s rifle had been pulled from his back but he kept it pointed at the ground. She tried not to squirm as his eyes raked over her, taking in the familiar uniform and helmet. Without thinking, she reached up to pull at the fabric against her nose, ensuring that her face was obscured from his rakish stare. 

Drack leaned to look around her, grunting as he took in the shuttle’s swollen belly. “Is all that yours?” His deep voice cracked with laughter. 

Keeping them at the center of her attention, she took a step back, her hands raised in the air above her head. Maybe they would think that they were but humble exiles stealing food. What were the chances that Jaal would recognize ugly brown jumpsuits?

“I recognize them. So it is true, they’re moving in on the outposts.” The caustic edge in Jaal’s voice made her wince and take another step back. She was suspicious of the way his finger caressed the trigger guard and wondered what their plan had been in approaching the shuttle. There was no cover between them if he opened fire. 

“If you come with us,” Drack shouted, “and tell us where you took Ryder, we won’t hurt you…” He added with a snicker, “much.” 

“Remind me to teach you how to negotiate,” she hollered back.

Jaal titled his head to the side and his eyes narrowed. “What did you call my true mother, you fiend?”

“Doc programed swear words into this thing? That’s pretty unconventional.”

“For fuck’s sake!” Murphy’s voice boomed into her ear, the radio frequency crackling in protest of his volume. “Stop messing around!”

Ryder eyed the span of ground between them. As long as she kept a good amount of space between herself and them, she would be able to escape without too much damage, assuming they intended to take her captive and neither of them shot to kill. If Drack charged or Jaal cloaked himself… well, then she would have a problem.

Lucky for her, she knew their fighting styles as well as she knew her own. After all, they had taken down an Architect together. She steadied herself, feet hips width apart with her hands loose and open by her side. “When I do it, you take off.”

“Do what?” Gary pipped, the tremor in his voice obvious.

The answer was a show of force. She pushed her hand away from her chest, fingers splayed, and a tremor followed, spikes of energy rolling through the ground on a path directed towards her crew. Clumps of dirt and rocks exploded from the path, the trajectory veering towards her victims. Drack lost his footing as the earth tore from under him. A bone tied to his armor clipped Jaal, sending the two sprawling. 

Sparing a moment to take in the scene - the Krogan rolling on his back, the air thick with curses and threats - Ryder turned and ran for the shuttle. Just as she had instructed, it was lifting off the ground, turning sharply to fly parallel to her. Once she was on board it would be a simple flick of the wrist that would pull them away from the cliff’s edge, making pursuit impossible. 

She slid to a halt, her hackles raised, when she heard the roar - the sound of a Krogan blood rage. 

“Pull back!” she shrieked, spinning to face the charge. “Give him space!” Out of the corner of her eye she saw the shuttle dip, the empty space between the open door and the cliff’s edge increasing. 

She dropped to her knees and slammed her fists to the ground seconds before Drack was on top of her. Closer this time and too slow to react, the force sent him flying through the air. It took everything in her not to rush to him when he didn’t move from where his body skidded to a stop. Instead, she crawled away on hands and knees, promising herself that she would buy him a new shotgun. One with a giant knife on it; he would like that.   

Ryder stumbled to her feet, lurching towards the shuttle. When she saw Jaal make a run towards her, disappearing in the blink of an eye, she changed direction, veering away from the cliff’s edge to pull him away from Murphy’s surely now loaded gun.

The cloaking illusion faded, his form pulled back piece by piece into the realm of visibility. His ornate silver dagger sang through the air before he was fully materialized, acting as an extension of his hand. The pinpoint sting of metal sliced through her bicep at the same time as she turned, using her momentum to drive her shoulder into his stomach.

They tumbled to the ground, a tangle of limbs and fury soaked grunts. Her head bounced, her visor twisting sideways and obscuring her vision. Jaal threw his hands out to catch himself as he fell forward, his elbow catching her under her chin. The ram made her bite her tongue, and her head rocked back and connected with the ground once more, the visor rolling off her head. 

“You’re going to feel really bad about that later but I forgive you,” she panted as they wrestled for control.

He seemed impossibly large when hovering over her, his knees planted on either side of her hips to hold her in place. No matter how much she struggled, she couldn’t find a way to get away from him, his grip was too tight. The bandana felt wet against her mouth, the fabric stuck to her lips, making it difficult for her to breath in. 

Something like panic was starting to heighten her sensitivity, her composure cracking along the seams. She could feel every divot in the ground and rock that dug into her back and shoulders. The pain in her shoulder was debilitating, a song that drummed to the frantic beat of her heart. 

Jaal lowered his face, his eyes boring into her with an intensity that made her stomach turn molten. “ _ You? _ ” he breathed, the question pushed between clenched teeth. She could feel his breath against her face, touching her lips through the wet fabric of her bandana. His eyes searched hers, a cloud of doubt obscuring the storm that had raged there just a breath before.

This was not the most enjoyable circumstances for which to be pinned under him, but for a moment she found it difficult to think rationally. 

When thought returned to her, her heart lodged in her throat and her hips aching where he pressed into them, she rolled the crown of her head against the ground, searching for something she could use to dislodge him. A small rock surely wouldn’t hurt  _ that  _ much.

The shuttle circled around, cutting across the thin stretch of land to fly over the opposite canyon. Murphy was on his feet, crouched in the open door ready with his gun raised. Jaal followed her gaze, his eyes narrowing, his mouth pulled into an sneer that exposed his teeth in a feral, silent growl. 

“No!” she shouted, both through the comm and at Jaal. Talons of panic clawed at the back of her throat. The window of escape was closing and they were seconds away from carnage. 

Another roar tore through the last remaining shreds of her composure. Drack had to be on his feet now. He would be disorientated and, with any luck, slightly concussed. Ryder had approximately 7 seconds, but then again she had never been good with numbers.

With a screech of resolve that startled even her, she slammed her fists into Jaal’s chest, a pulse of energy coursing through her arm and sending him rolling off her. The pain was unbelievable, the use of biotic energy tearing across the gash in her flesh as it flowed through her arms and legs. 

5 seconds and she rolled to her feet, lurching on shaky legs towards the shuttle. Drack was next to her, an arm’s reach away, his movement just as clumsy as he tried to find purchase. 

His head swiveled to track Ryder’s trajectory, sizing up the distance between them, the cliff’s edge and the shuttle. “Ha!” He stomped a foot and shook himself like a massive dog trying to get dry. “You’ll never make it!” 

“Watch me, old man!” Her legs pumped, the muscles in her thighs burning as she pushed forward. 3 seconds to make it, her body pitching forward, one hand reaching….

Then she remembered that she didn’t have jump jets. 

She smacked into a crate, a sharp edge stabbing into her hip. She tried to grab hold of the net, intertwining numb fingers through the holes. The pain was explosive as she slipped, her bad arm too weak to hold her. 

For a sickening moment she dropped, her stomach pulled into her throat, her vision fading around the corners like she was looking at a too bright light. 

Blood rushed to her head and her eyes bulged. It took her a moment to realize the ground was maintaining a set distance away from her face. Blood trickled down her arm, dropping off her fingertips as they hung below her - or was it above her? 

A whooping guffaw cut through the silence of her comm. “You okay down there, Pathfinder?”

“Am I alive?” Her voice was thick as syrup, her tongue felt swollen. Twisting at the waist to get a better view, she looked up to see her legs tangled in a mess of knotted ropes. 

“You tell us!” It was Gary’s voice she heard but Murphy’s was the face poking out from the shuttle, the wide grin she had only recently learned he was capable of making overwhelming his normally pinched expression. 

“Give us a sec, we’ll get ya up.” Murphy’s head disappeared. “Gary!”

Their argument played out for her to hear over the comm link. Gary protested with gusto, saying that his arms were too weak and that he was afraid of heights. There was muffled swooshing sound, like he was flapping his arm to prove his point.  Murphy didn’t have a counter point that involved words, but his opinion had been made regardless, and he proved more convincing from the sound of Gary’s ragged sigh. 

She felt something circle her ankle, something else pawing at her calf. As she swayed beneath the shuttle, her head heavy with blood as it rushed away from her feet, she took a moment to appreciate the last fingers of the sun’s light as they curled over the horizon. Upside down, in a moderate amount of pain, her mind hazy, it was the most beautiful sunset she had ever seen. 

“Hel- _ lo _ ! A little help here?” 

She lifted her head as much as she could, her eyes straining. Gary was hanging from the door, Murphy’s arms only barely visible. His hair stood on end, his mouth open in a silent cry of panic. 

“Are you rescuing me?” she wondered aloud. She lifted her good arm, groping for Gary’s hand as the two reached across the length of her torso for one another.

With a good deal of straining and grunts, and threats of murder should she be dropped, Ryder was finally hauled back onto the shuttle’s floor. She allowed Murphy to drag her away from the door, her cheek chaffing against the ground. Jarrod stood ready with a knife to cut the rope for around her legs. She kicked her heels against the ground to shake feeling back into them. 

“Doc thought ya might do sumthin’ stupid so she sent this along.” Murphy tossed a small tube at her. It landed on her stomach with a ping and rolled off her side. With a bit of flailing, she was able to grab hold of it without having to move. She squinted as she focused on the label: GLUE.

* * *

 

Kallo waited patiently for the evac call. Any evac call. Word that someone had found something,  _ anything _ . It had been Vetra’s idea to split up, numerous pairs of sleep deprived teammates roving different ports and outposts. It had been two days since Ryder had been taken and they were at their wits end.

Though, taken wasn’t the right word, Kallo reflected. She hadn’t been taken, she had gone with the exiles. Misplaced? Lent?

“Nothing.” Liam had become a man of few words in recent days, and what words he did share were bitter, angry, his balled fists and drawn brow speaking volumes for him. 

Kadara was a bust, then.

“Where do you think - “ Suvi began before she was cut off by another incoming signal.

“We found them on Eos but they were able to get away.” Drack didn’t admit defeat easily and his words were rushed and hard to pick up over the distance.

“Are you sure it was them?” Suvi leaned out of her seat, pressing herself closer to the source of his voice. This was it, the call they had been waiting for. It was too much to hope they had found her, but all they wanted was something to grasp onto, a clue to take them one step forward. 

“Yeah, pretty damn sure.” A heavy, rasping sigh that popped static on the comm.  “Come get us, call back the rest. We need to go to Aya.”

Kallo was already readying the Tempest for a FTL jump to the Pytheas system. “Why would we go there?”

Jaal spoke up; “We must seek assistance. Evfra is expecting us.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hugs and kisses and a drink of their choice to my editing duo, @thesassbly and @animarosa.

 

A flurry of questions and the decisions that would stem from them trapped Jaal in a foul mood during the trip to Aya. He kept himself isolated, the door to the tech lab shut, and ignored inquiries from others through the comm. It pained him most to hide from Liam, the mumbled excuse sounding drained and lifeless. Not that he had ever been a good liar. 

He had tolerated questions from others only as long as he had been required to stay in the med bay. Once Lexi was assured that he had no serious injuries he had scampered away, only reaffirming to Kallo the urgency of getting to Aya as soon as possible before sequestering himself away. 

“Jaal?” Kallo’s voice was hesitant as it broke through his silence, as if he expected Jaal to reach through the speaker. “We are a-go to dock on Aya.” 

“I will meet you on the bridge.” 

Jaal hesitated before leaving, taking a moment to a run his fingers over the workbench, pieces of a project still scattered across the top. He had nearly finished his gifts for everyone and had waited to deliver them, preferring to do it all at once. He had pictured everyone gathering on the meeting deck, sharing a moment of peace carved out of their hectic schedules.

There had been one he had kept aside, wrapped neatly in plain paper. That one he had meant to give privately. The time had never seemed right before, and now it was all wrong and there was no time.

He left the lab knowing that when he returned next, his duties to his people and the Resistance would take priority, no matter the personal sacrifice.

 

* * *

 

Evfra’s face was a passive, unwavering mask that set Cora’s teeth on edge. 

Over the past few months, she had adjusted to the angara’s emotional transparency, the sticky feeling of hesitancy about working with the Resistance washed away by Jaal’s affable affections. It was impossible not to like him, and by extension, respect the Resistance and the work they were doing to fight the Kett. 

Evfra brought back a good deal of unease.

“You want me to waste time and forces looking for a group of exiles?  _ Milky Way  _ exiles?” He crossed his arms across his chest and took the time to look at each of them before finally settling his full attention on Jaal. 

“It is in the Resistance’s best interest to look for the Pathfinder,” Jaal supplied. 

“We have the Pathfinder. Our agreement was with the Pathfinder and the Initiative, not a solitary human.”

Cora winced, her gaze catching and holding Liam’s. Even standing across from her, she felt his disappointment as if he were shaking her. He had made his opinion clear before they had left the Tempest on whether or not they should loop Evfra in on the status of the Pathfinder role.

“I am a Pathfinder in title only,” she spoke up. “Ryder has the support of the Initiative and a wake of thankful settlers, including angara. The name Ryder is just as much a mantle as Pathfinder.” 

Evfra seemed unimpressed, his fingers leaving an imprint where they pressed into his upper arms. “Are you suggesting that you  _ don’t  _ have the same support or capabilities?”

She didn’t bite. “I’m saying that it’s in the Resistance’s best interest to look for  _ the  _ Pathfinder _. _ ”  

Liam swooped in on Cora’s heels. However overwhelming his anger was when he was aboard the Tempest, he had maintained himself as a pillar of professionalism during their meeting, exercising his crisis intervention prowess with a finesse that showed his true colors. 

“Look, we understand what we’re asking of you, but we all take this alliance seriously.” He laid a hand on Jaal’s back as he spoke and the angara met in kind, the two connecting at the shoulder like they were old friends. Cora pointed her nose at her feet, her bottom lip catching between her teeth as she smothered a smile.  _ Or _ like they had been practicing. 

She looked up just in time to see a wisp of tenderness flit across Evfra’s stoic mask. It disappeared beneath a frown, leaving her to wonder if it had ever been there. “You believe that whoever took Ryder has been raiding Initiative outposts. Why?”

“We were able to gather status reports from our outposts on Eos, Kadara and Voeld,” she answered. “They all report an increase in raided supply drops.”

Evfra grunted and inclined his head, unsatisfied with the amount of information being shared. “Raids are common on your outposts.”

“Not common,” Liam interjected. He and Jaal had broken apart and he was walking towards Evfra’s desk, his omni tool displaying an orange screen. “They do happen, but they aren’t common enough to explain the amount that’s being stolen.” A block of text appeared and he narrowed his eyes as he focused, his finger flicking to simulate scrolling as he searched for something. 

“There, see?” He held his arm out. “Just a few weeks ago a massive spike in raids. But they aren’t just raiding the outposts like you would expect. They know where supply drops are and  _ that’s _ what they are targeting.”

“If it had just been one or two supply drops…” Cora threw up her hands and exhaled raggedly. “That’s frustrating, but it’s not unbelievable that a few drop points would be discovered. This many, from three different outposts - that doesn’t make sense.”

Evfra softened his posture, his shoulders rolling forward to take on a more passive stance. He looked between the two humans with a thoughtful and attentive expression, a mix of curiosity and respect brightening his eyes. “So you believe it to be coordinated, with the supply drops being specifically targeted.” 

“It is  _ too _ coordinated.”

“It’s a coordinated assault,” Liam supplemented, his grim expression reflected across the group.

“I see.” Evfra’s tone soured. “I understand your…  _ preoccupation _ with the status of the former Human Pathfinder, Jaal.” A pause punctuated with a stinging stare at his lieutenant. Jaal remained unfazed. “However, I fail to see any value in adding cells to your search.”

“No one benefits if the Initiative picks itself clean from the inside out.” Liam shook his head and cleared his throat, his voice wearing at the edges. “These people -  _ our _ exiles, who made the same pledge as the rest of us to put our mistakes 600 years behind us - aren’t afraid to take what they want. Their sight is set on the Initiative, but only for now. It’s a smaller galaxy than you think.” 

A charged silence fell between the four, the implication weighing on already thin threads of alliance.

Jaal and Evfra exchanged heavy looks, a conversation happening between the two of them that required no words. Watching them, Cora felt sudden doubts about Evfra’s interest in the outposts seize hold. What price he would extract for Resistance support?

Liam must have been thinking the same thing and he crossed to position himself at her side. “This is exactly what the angara were afraid of,” he whispered, his elbow bumping into hers as he crossed his arms. “He’s thinking that he shouldn’t help us because we’ve proven our people to be untrustworthy and a threat.”

“You can read him?”

“No. I just know that I would think the same thing.” 

Despite knowing it to be true, Cora opened her mouth to protest but struggled to find comforting words. 

Before she could try, Evfra spoke, though he directed his words to Jaal. “I entrust you to deploy your fellow angara responsibly.”

If Jaal was surprised with his new responsibilities he hid it well beneath an easy smile. “Thank you, Evfra. This is the right decision.”

Now his attention was focused on the two humans, the familiar look of barely withheld scorn arranged across his furrowed brow. “I need a moment alone with Jaal.” 

He didn’t bother to wait for their answer, or for them to leave, before he beckoned Jaal closer. The doors to his office slid open, two angara waiting to see them out. 

“Let’s go to the bar,” Cora suggested as they walked back into the open air market side by side. “Is it too early to go to the bar?”

“It’s never too early and let’s run to the bar,” Liam joked, though he picked up his pace to a fast walk, his elbows extended as he mimed a jog. “Last one there buys first round.”

The sky was bright with the early morning rays of sun, the air fragrant and cool, carried on a breeze that ruffled her hair. She hadn’t realized how claustrophobic the room had been until she was back outside.

They stood elbow to elbow at the bar, the silence comfortable. Things had been charged between everyone on the Tempest, the smallest things setting people off. Evra’s help, even if it came with a cost, had lent some steam back into their search. 

“Cora, I am picking up something of interest.” Although SAM had addressed her by name, Liam heard it too, his expression stormy. 

“I'm all ears.” Cora kept her voice low as her eyes darted between the clusters of mingling angara and Milky Way visitors.

“There is an energy signature nearby that was present during the ambush on H-019. It matches the signal that was broadcast to the Tempest.” 

Liam turned and pressed his back against the bar, his drink forgotten behind him. Cora could see cords of muscle in his forearms tighten as he crossed them and held himself by the elbows. 

“Who is it, SAM?” She motioned with a slight tilt of her head the direction she was going, Liam pushing away from the bar a moment later to walk away from her. 

“It is impossible for me to locate a bio signature without performing a scan, but the energy reading has maintained a steady distance.”

“So we’re being watched,” Liam said over their private channel. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him walking through the lower room, a slight stumble worked into his gait as he cut a sloppy path to the second bar. 

Cora felt her pulse quicken. The bar was just as crowded as it always was. It was impossible for her to pick out any conversation or group that seemed out of place or suspicious.

“Liam, you are being scanned.”

Liam swerved to the left, his arms spread wide as if he was trying to catch his balance before losing the battle and tripping, colliding with a human whose omni tool had been active. 

“Oof, man, I am so sorry!” Liam steadied himself against the man, one hand on each shoulder. “Not used to this angara stuff, it hits hard.” 

Cora cut a path directly towards the two, pushing between a couple who were walking away from the scene with a look of disgust. The attention of others in the bar were attuned to the scuffle, their faces eager as they watched the events unfolded. The last thing she wanted was a scene. Evfra’s face, tight lipped and sour, floated in front of her, a vision of future scolding.  

The man tried to pull away, his chin quivering, but Liam held firm. “Let me apologize by buying you a drink,” he was saying, pulling the curly haired man closer. Liam laughed and smiled, white teeth flashing. 

“Th-that’s okay, I should go,” the man mumbled, shaking out of Liam’s hold. 

“Oh!” Cora was in place now, her hands reaching out to press against his back, a firm hold disguised as a friendly shoulder clap. “My friend can be such a klutz sometimes. Please, I insist.”

“I am able to pull up the data from this man’s omni tool,” SAM informed them. “He was viewing a detailed guidebook of flora native to Aya and does not have the capacity to perform scans.” A pause. “The energy reading I was picking up has traveled out of range of my sensors.” 

“Ah, shit.” Liam tried to smile at the man pressed between the two of them, but all he managed was a grimace. “Please, you  _ really _ have to let me buy you a drink.”

 

* * *

 

That smell again, but stronger and accompanied by a stifling, sticky heat. The further into the cave they traveled, darkness closing in all around them, the worse the mix became. Besides the glow from Ryder’s omni tool, there was nothing to illuminate their way besides Lia’s innate sense of direction.

“Is there no shuttle we could have taken?” Ryder inquired. Her question was swallowed by the heavy air that pressed against them.

“You were unconscious for nearly 48 hours. It’s important to stretch your muscles.”

“What I’m getting from this is that there  _ is _ a shuttle.” Ryder rolled her arms like a windmill, easing the tightness of the new skin on her right shoulder. Her shadow, cast on the cave wall, flickered as the soft glow of light made a circuit around her body. “Besides, I’ve had plenty of stretching. Too much stretching.” 

She had barely had a chance to gather her wits after the shuttle had landed when Lia had cornered her. At first Ryder thought she had been radioed ahead of their landing and knew to expect her injury, but Lia only stared vacantly at the wound. 

Medical attention had been a hesitant afterthought to Lia’s true intention in approaching her. Though the true intention had yet to reveal itself. So far it had included a trust climb down into a hole that had led to a cave, and she was more than a little wary of what she was being shuffled off towards. 

“Only one of us is pretending to be a doctor,” Lia reminded her as they kept a steady trudge forward, “so you might as well listen to me.” 

They kept pace in silence. Ryder had long given up trying to make out anything other than the walls on either side and the stretch of space ahead of them. A headache was unfurling just behind her eyes from the strain. Instead she stared ahead, reliving her run in with Jaal. 

_ You,  _ he had hissed, his faces inches from hers. Her stomach bundled into knots as she remembered the look of clarity that had brightened his eyes as the fog of confusion dissipated. She should have reached out and pressed her fingers to his lips, explained to him, begged him to understand. Instead she had punched him in the chest.

The inky blackness that had followed them since they’d taken the ladder into the cave was softening, buttery yellow light bleeding into the darkness around them. The sounds of people, the slow hum of conversation and the sounds of feet shuffling across the packed dirt floor, drifted across the empty space.

Lia stopped and dug her fingers into Ryder’s elbow, pulling her to a standstill next to her. Her face was illuminated from below as she leaned towards Ryder, her eyes lost in pitted shadows. 

“Lonny didn’t want me to show you down yet, but I think you have a right to see.”

Unease finger walked down her spine. “See what?”

“We can’t keep up with our need, there aren’t enough of us to do it.” Lia had lowered her voice to a whisper, forcing Ryder to lean in until their foreheads nearly touched.  

“Stealing from the supply drop, that’s what you mean?”

“It’s… more. It’s more than that.” She took a deep breath, her exhale tickling the hair that curled around Ryder’s ears. When she spoke again, her voice was heavy and barbed. “Ryder, there’s so much that I can’t tell you. But I can show you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come hang out me on tumblr @goodbibarbarella! :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta readers @sasseffects and @animarosa who put up with my sending them this chapter HOURS before the post deadline. Y'all are rock stars.

Lonny wiped his hand over the mirror, smudging a path through the steam that had fogged over his reflection. He tested the heat of the water against his finger, letting it fill up the sink when it was hot enough that it his skin reddened under the flow. 

Just yesterday morning he had sat across from Ryder and it had only been minutes since she had returned. According to the report relayed to him as they had flown back to the base, she had done an admirable job defending against her former crew - had even sustained an injury during a scuffle. 

Although he was still hesitant, even suspicious, it pleased him how quickly she had acquiesced to his demands. She was nothing like her father in all the ways that mattered, but she was exactly like him where manipulation was concerned. He knew the Ryder patriarch well.

He also knew that Lia had intercepted Ryder as soon as they had landed, and despite his warnings he knew exactly where they were. Intentions aside, all Lia had done was force him to move up the time frame. It didn’t matter how adamant he was that they move according to  _ his _ timeline, Lia always had her own plans and he had learned to adjust accordingly. It had been that way since they had first met and was what made her such a valuable asset. It was also what probably wound her up in prison to begin with. 

The heat of the water made him flinch as he splashed it against his face. No matter that he shaved every morning, always using the hottest water he could physically stand. It was always a shock and left his pale skin pink. 

There was no stubble on his face but old habits and all. He had been shaving every morning since he had started growing facial hair. Over time, the chore became a habit and the habit became a relief. For a few minutes every morning he had time to himself, time to think and time to hunch beneath the weight of others and their expectations.

The Lonny that looked back at him through the sliver of clean mirror would not be the Lonny that emerged from his quarters. 

His hand shook as he lifted the razor to his face. It always started with tremors but he didn’t stop, kept the blade pressed against his jawline, dragging it over the wet skin as he pulled it taut with his other hand.

Sometimes the pain - sharp, constant, cutting along his neural pathways like a forest fire urged on by a hellish wind - dropped him on the spot. Sometimes he could crawl to his bed before the pressure left him shaking and raking his nails down the sides of his face. 

Today was a good day and he was able to finish without incident, though if he stuck his tongue out he would still feel the cut from yesterday morning. That had not been a good day.

“Lonny.” Murphy buzzed him on the comm the moment he slipped the piece over his ear. The old soldier had an uncanny knack of being the first voice Lonny heard when reconnecting.

“What?”

“Lia took the Pathfinder. I thought it was a check up fer ‘er arm, but they ain’t back yet.” 

“Yes, thank you, Murphy. I’ll handle it.”

He finished dressing, smoothing the lines of his jacket and fingering the creases in his trousers. An embarrassing preoccupation with how he looked was something he had inherited from his father, exacerbated by brain camp and the Alliance. 

Before he left his room he took one last look at himself in the mirror, arranging his features until he was the Lonny that prowled through the halls, the Lonny that others averted their eyes to avoid. 

He tapped a finger against his temple, at the spot where he imaged the implant hid. It was deep, expertly put in, and he couldn’t feel it. Knowing it was there, feeling the tremor that shook his finger as he smoothed an eyebrow, was enough. 

The mask of rage was only partly a show. 

* * *

 

For the first time since she had woken up, Ryder took a hard look at Lia. It had always been obvious how thin she was, the unnatural pallor to her skin. Her hair, threaded into a tight braid and arranged over one shoulder, was stringy, her pink scalp visible. More than just tired or stressed, she looked sickly. 

“I was the first awake,” Lia said. She had tolerated Ryder’s open mouthed stare  for as long as it took for clarity to return to the Pathfinder’s eyes. “Right here, I opened my eyes to see Lonny and Murphy standing over me thinking,  _ I made it to Andromeda _ .”

“What a wake up call,” Ryder mumbled, her thoughts too foggy to think of  a more appropriate response. Though she had the good form to wince as the caustic words tumbled from her lips. “Sorry, I mean - “

“I know what you mean.” Lia smiled, the same tight lipped half smile she had given Ryder a few times already. Always the same smile as she waited for Ryder to catch up. A pitying smile. 

Ryder couldn’t force herself to turn back around, at least not just yet. She had even tried to walk - briskly - back through the dark of the tunnel. Lia had blocked her way, a surprising strength to her grip that was due to her towering stature, evident despite the lack of muscle on her bones.

Now that she had seen them, it was impossible not to hear them as well. Every thump of weight against the ground, the coughs, snorts, even a few laughs and the low hum of conversation. In the big, echoing chamber of the cave it was too loud, impossible to escape. 

“How long?” she asked, her eyes connecting with Lia’s. “How long have you been out of the cryopod?”  

“Shortly after.” Lia didn’t need to elaborate after what. 

When she finally had the courage to look again, to keep herself facing forward, the heat of her blood leeched away until she was left feeling drained and cold. 

There had to be two dozen: a mix of humans, turians and salarians. 

In the humans she recognized it right away, the dark circles under their eyes and frayed hair obvious even with their bodies hidden under too big brown jumpsuits. The salarians looked dry, skin flaking around their mouths and eyes, their visible limbs covered in rashes. The one turian she saw still standing was covered in patches, black and grey scales that made his skin look like a terrain model map. He looked her way, one eye completely covered with a mound of scales.  

“They’re starving.” The word punched a hole in her gut.

“You see - “

“No, I don’t,” Ryder took a step back, moving away from Lia who had put a hand on her shoulder. “Lonny stole a bunch of fucking cyropods and then let you all out so you could starve in a cave?” 

“That’s not what happened.”

“Is that  _ not _ what happened?” Her voice was shrill and carried easily in the cave. Those still conscious, or lucid enough to notice, were staring at her. No one moved and the conversation faded around them. She was making a scene and they had an audience. 

She took a deep breath, forced a smile and waved. The turian blinked his one good eye and waved back.

When she spoke next, she tried to lower her voice, but it cracked under the weight of her ire. “You  _ both _ let all these people rot away down here. You could have come to me weeks ago, you could have reached out the goddamn garbage queen at Kadara Port months ago. You could have…” She raised her hands then let them fall by her side uselessly. “You could have done a lot more than this.”

“It’s been three weeks, actually. They’ve been out of cyro for three weeks. I was the first, all those months ago, only because Lonny knew me and made a calculated risk pulling me out.” 

“How can you defend this?” Ryder hissed.

“I did what I could to keep enough power to the pods, but it wasn’t an option any longer. We could let them die in there, or we could pull them out and try to support us all.” 

“No.” Ryder shook her head and took another step back, her hand going to her mouth. If she was sick, she would only embarrass herself further. “No, that’s more than three weeks. I don’t know shit about turian and salarian biology, but nothing looks like that after three weeks without food.”

It was Lonny who spoke, his slight form stepping into the light. “If they were put into the pods looking like that they would.” He came to a stop to the right of Lia, his hand reaching out to brush against her back, a familiar gesture from the way Lia relaxed at his touch. “I told you this would be a bad idea.” 

“She deserves to know,“ was all Lia said, her eyes focused just over Ryder’s shoulder.

Ryder thought of something clever to say, a public musing on whether Lonny had been waiting in the shadows until he could emerge at the most dramatic moment, but instead she opted for a more direct route of expression. Despite feeling wobbly and sick, she was light on her feet and fast, able to cross the distance easily. Her fist connected with his stomach before he or Lia could stop her.

Behind her, someone laughed and clapped their hands together before a room of people shushed the onlooker. 

Lonny buckled at the waist and stumbled backwards, his breath wheezing from behind his teeth like a balloon losing air.

“Ryder!” Lia admonished, stepping between the two, her hands already on Ryder’s shoulders, thumbs pressing into the hollow space above her collarbone. 

“I could have broken his jaw or nose but did not, you’ll notice.” She knew she was being childish and that sucker punching Lonny was not the most diplomatic of decisions, but damn if it didn’t feel good.

“It’s fine, Lia. I’m fine.” Lonny had recovered his posture quickly, but his voice was scratchy, almost too cracked to hear. He looked past Ryder to the group of gapers, the angry creases that cut throw his brow and cheeks softening. “We should continue this conversation elsewhere.”

Ryder looked between Lia and Lonny, her face scrunched. If she wanted to, she thought she could take Lia, even with the other woman’s height. Lonny was dressed too pretty and she doubted he had ever seen combat in his life. Who cares what the others thought as she smashed his face in.

“Don’t.” Lia squeezed, the pressure of her thumbs pulling a gasp from Ryder. “You’re very easy to read when you’re angry. Please, give us a chance.”

“Will you let me punch him if I don’t like what you have to say?”

“Yes.”   


“Lia!” Lonny looked horrified and glared up at Lia. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Fine.” Ryder felt Lia’s grip relax, the slight throb of bruised skin taking the place of her thumb. She smiled, a wicked, toothy smile that held no conventional joy and returned Lonny’s scathing gaze. “Let’s see if you can change my mind about breaking your fucking jaw.”   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little short because I've been slammed with finals week approaching at school. It might be another two weeks before I post, but I'll make it up to y'all by posting two chapters or something extra long once I'm back. In the mean time, come hang out with my on tumblr @goodbibarbarella and send me prompts for drabbles to keep me sharp while I'm studying for finals! xoxo


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of a DOUBLE CHAPTER PALOOZA
> 
> Thanks to my editing team for tackling two chapters at once and making amazing suggestions (as always).

Murphy knew what he was good at and he knew what he wasn’t so good at. A lot of things fit into the “not so good at” category, if he believed what others said about him. Yeah, he had an odd way of talking, words had never been his strong suit, but it worked out for him just fine if people thought he was stupid. 

He was big, took up a lot of space, ate the most at meals, and never really valued the lives of others enough to feel bad about smashing heads to get what he wanted. And maybe there was some truth to people thinking he was stupid, because he got locked up more times than he could count. That last time, though… he had thought for sure that would have been it, that he was going to die floating behind bars in space with a bunch of motherfuckers just as mean as he was.

Then again, Lia had gotten herself caught too, and she had been just a few cells over from him. No one would say that Lia was stupid. So maybe his smarts, or lack thereof, had jack shit to do with him being stupid enough to get caught and was just the way things were meant to be. It had all ended up kind of alright. 

He had a lot to make up for, but he had done a pretty good job so far.

_“If they were put into the pods looking like that they would.”_

Lonny had kept him patched in on the feed once he had disappeared down the tunnel and now Murphy was just waiting for them to make their way back up. He always did what Lonny told him to, not because he had to but because he was thankful. The way he showed his thanks was obedience. 

Since no one was around to see, he didn’t feel bad cracking a smile as he listened to Lonny get clobbered. He wasn’t too sure what exactly pathfinders were supposed to do, but the one they had caught seemed to handle herself well enough that Murphy bet no one fucked with them. 

He could just barely hear Lia speaking, trying to calm Ryder down as Lonny breathed heavily. Lia was a downright pro at that; hers had been the first face he had seen when he had woken up. 

It was hard to piece together everything that happened, most of it only coming to him as second hand information. 

One minute he’s being carted off to a meeting with the warden, his wrists and ankels shackled together on such a short chain that he had to shuffle down the hallway, his shoulders bobbing as he waddled behind the too fast moving guard. Then, he’s waking up with a hangover, a bright light shining in his face and some vaguely familiar voice cooing to him that he was going to be just fine.

_“Let’s see if you can change my mind about breaking your fucking jaw.”_

He cracked another smile but it was quickly lost behind his usual frown. Damn, that girl asked too many questions. She moved too quick, not content to wait for information as it came to her. She had to be in the know and was real crabby if she felt left out. Was that a pathfinder thing or a Ryder thing?

“ _I think this would be best continued in my office. Lia, Ryder, do you agree?”_

Well, that was his cue.

Murphy pushed away from the wall and ambled down the hall towards Lonny’s office.

* * *

 

Ryder was eager to get out of the cave. The smell of all those sick bodies was inescapable, but the heat was getting to her. It was stuffy, the kind of heat that got under her skin and made her itch all over. Although she hadn’t seen a window since waking up - not that she had been able to do much exploring - the hallways above them whirred with artificial air flow that felt as good as the real thing when compared to the humid cave. 

She waited until they were up the ladder and out of the dark to speak. “My first question - “

Lonny held up his fist, one finger to the sky, without looking over his shoulder. “Not until we get to my office.” 

Lia, who had followed close behind Lonny, cast Ryder a sympathetic glance of her shoulder. The look said _just be patient._  

Ryder pulled her upper lip between her teeth to keep from asking anything else. It had been stupid to punch him and it wouldn’t have been unreasonable for him to walk away and refuse to answer any of her questions. She needed to rein her temper in. For the moment, anyway.

That had always been her plan, but so far all she had been was impulsive and mouthy. Now was as good a time as any to stick to her plan. 

There was no chair opposite the desk, though Lonny settled himself in the one chair quickly enough, content to the let the others stand. There were also more lights on this time. Not just the standing construction lights, but panels along the ceiling. Apparently he didn’t mean to interrogate her in the dark this time. Or, given that Murphy was leaning against the far wall, one foot pressed flat behind him, maybe Lonny hadn’t gotten around to dimming the lights for full effect just yet. 

“You better have a good reason for stashing a bunch of starving initiative members in your godforsaken cave.” Ryder folded her arms across her chest, shifting her weight to one hip while staring Lonny down. It was easy to do while standing. He was so small, his shoulders even more narrow than hers, and if she had been less inclined to nurse her contempt, she might even admit that he looked… sad. 

“That isn’t even all of them,” he told her with a smile that did nothing to make him look any happier. “It wouldn’t be smart to keep them all together. We have a few different locations, anywhere we could find a safe place, and there are even bigger groups.”

“You’re so fucking smug.” Her arms dropped, fingers balled into fists by her sides. 

“And you are quick to assume that you have all the answers.” 

She gritted her teeth and pushed a pulse of energy that emanated from her palms, tendrils peaking through her knuckles. He was so close and Murphy was far away, it would be easy to make him talk if -

“You make it look so easy.” Lonny rose, the legs of his chair a whisper against the ground as he stepped out from behind the desk. The usual drawn features had softened, the crevices that ran between his brows softening to delicate wrinkles. He looked even more sad when he wasn’t frowning. 

Ryder took a step back as he approached, her hands raised in defense. He noticed and something clouded his eyes, pulled at the corners of his lips. “I’m not going to hurt you,” he whispered, eyes darting between her and Lia, as if Lia would speak up to vouch for his character. 

Ryder didn’t relax but she lowered her hands back to her sides. “I make what look easy?’

“May I?” He held his own hands out, palm up, inviting her to place her own within his grasp. “Murphy told me what you…” he paused, his throat bobbing as his lips formed words he couldn’t speak. “But seeing it is something else.” 

It might have been the soft expression, or the breathless way he spoke in those few seconds, that made Ryder loosen her shoulders, the threat of his presence eeking away. But she raised her hands to his when she saw the same spark take him, a blue energy sliding between his fingers and down his wrists, twisting like a serpent.

Murphy had taken a step away from the wall, his jaw slack as he focused on the interlocked hands. Even Lia had taken a step closer, though her jaw was tight and she kept her gaze squarely on Lonny. 

“What happened when you - when you discovered your abilities?” 

Ryder didn’t dare look up from their hands. She wasn’t sure if she could look away, mesmerized at the way her hand looked in his, or if she just couldn’t bare to see the look that accompanied that broken question.  

“I told my mother. Well, no. First I tested what I could do and I tried to throw a shoe at my brother. But then I told my mother and together we told my father.”

His fingers, with their short and clean nails, ran across her palm. “And you were trained?”

The line of questioning was making her uncomfortable but she answered. “I had to get the implant and then I went to school.” She shrugged. “Like we all do.” It had been the first time she had been separated from her brother. 

Lonny didn’t answer, just squeezed her hand once before letting go. He distanced himself from her again, standing closer to Lia than he had before and hid his own hands behind his back. Not quick enough though; she saw the tremor. 

“I had heard things were supposed to go differently, but I didn’t make a habit of keeping tabs on the developments.” 

It didn’t take her long to make the connection, to count backwards from when the Ascension Project had begun and when BAaT had ended. The Ascension Project had been the new start for biotics, treating kids like - well _, kids_ , and not weapons to primp and prime. The cruelty and abuse, a program full of broken people with faulty tech jammed between the folds of their brains, had outlived BAat. Lonny was older than her, that she had known, but not by much if he had survived the “brain camp.” 

Lonny saw the realization dawn on her face, watched with a blank expression as she pressed her lips together and avoided his eye contact. This was a familiar feeling for him; others being uncomfortable, pitying, and then avoiding him. 

“Where are the others?” Ryder finally asked, eager to get back on solid ground. Things made more sense when Lonny was being aloof and conniving. She didn’t like sad Lonny, and she definitely didn’t like the way it made her feel. 

It was back to the same tactics if she was asking the same questions. Lonny and Lia shared a loaded glance. Lonny’s face remained impassive, only a slow blink giving away a hint of activity. Lia’s face fell, her brows meeting above her nose and her teeth exposed in a sneer. 

“Lonny,” she warned, “it’s too soon.” 

“You forced my hand. I would have liked for her to do more, but…” he spread his hands and shrugged. The tremor was still there but the biotic energy was gone. Just regular hands, nothing to hint at the deadly power that lurked just beneath the skin.

“Stop talking about me like I’m not here!” 

Ryder took a step forward, ready to shove her way between the two of them and demand the answers she had been promised. But she had let herself become distracted and she didn’t know Murphy was behind her until his arms were wrapped tightly around her.

Lia’s face was all she saw as she felt something sharp pierce her thigh. Sparkling, brown eyes crinkled at the corners as Ryder felt her head bob. She felt warm and sleepy. 

“I’m sorry,” Lia whispered, her cold hands cupping Ryder’s cheek and chin. “I meant to explain it all a different way.”

“Explain what?” Ryder slurred, her head weaving back and forth as she tried to keep herself awake. Her neck felt tired, the muscles straining as they tried to keep her head steady. “What did... you do... to me?”

“I’m sorry,” Lia said again. “Don’t trust that the Milky Way is really that far behind us.”

“Cryptic… bullshit…”  Ryder meant to say more but instead she closed her eyes, tired enough of the riddles that she welcomed a hazy sleep. 

* * *

 

“Well that looks familiar.” Suvi’s eyes followed the stream of data as it unfurled on her screen. It was the same kind of message that had been sent to them with the distress signal a few days ago. A bundle of code, heavily encrypted, with a decryption key politely attached as a separate message. 

“SAM, are you seeing this?”

“Yes. I have alerted the rest of the crew. I estimate less than two minutes until the message is decrypted.”

Sure enough, the doors leading to the deck were opening, the footsteps and bubbling conversation of others cutting through the silence. Kallo had released his grasp on the controls, letting the Tempest take control of herself for a while while he turned to focus his attention on Suvi’s display.

No one said anything but apprehension, tangled with hope, hung thick as smoke in the air all around them. 

“I have finished.”

“Play it,” Drack demanded. 

Cora’s sharp intake of breath was the only thing that could be heard as a face flickered into view. It was a long, clean shaven face that reflected the light coming from behind the camera. Though the air around him was flecked with dust, highlighted by the white light that was shining down on the room, he was immaculate, tidy.

“That’s him,” Cora whispered, her eyes darting towards Jaal. A curt head nod confirmed that he recognized the face as well. 

The man cleared his throat, his eyes focusing on a spot in the camera’s lense. It appeared as if he was starting directly at all of them. 

“Hello, Tempest Crew. My apologies for the radio silence over the last few days. I’ve taken good care of the Pathfinder, you’ll find, and she’s returning with minimal damage.”

_Returning?_ The question came to the forefront of everyone’s mind, but no one made a move to voice the thought they all shared. 

“We are a similar distance away, though I’ve given us a bit of a head start to ensure we don’t cross paths. She’s in your hands now. I recommend that you hurry.”

The feed cut and they were all left to stare back out across the galaxy. Somehow the planets seemed different, smaller and less important than they had been just a few moments before. 

“I have coordinates for a location on Voeld,” SAM said. Suvi wasn’t imagining the hesitance, the catch in his programed voice as he added, “Hurry.” 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part Two of a DOUBLE CHAPTER PALOOZA

During their first trip to Voeld, Ryder had been in awe. Yes, it had been cold and there had been nothing quite as annoying as SAM reminding her about the limits of her core body temperature, but beyond all that she had appreciated the quiet, icy beauty of the planet’s surface. 

Now she missed SAM’s voice and she found the quiet, icy beauty less enjoyable. She didn’t need SAM to tell her that temperatures were dropping but it would have been nice, for old time’s sake. 

There was a familiar pain in her back as she pushed forward and it jolted with each step she took. She didn’t bother looking where she was going. There was nothing to see - nothing she _could_ see- through the snow that came at her from all directions. Heavy, hard little balls that bounced off her armor that made an audible _plink_ as they pelted her helmet. 

When Ryder couldn’t walk any longer she dropped to her knees, crawling forward through drifts as high as her shoulders. White and black, that’s all she could see. White from the snow all around her. Black from the back of her eyelids, drooping, the urge to return to sleep chasing her from the last remaining fringes of consciousness. 

Packed snow gave way to something slick and hard. A frozen lake. At least out here the snow didn’t crowd around her, working to bury her before she was even dead. But she was more exposed, the wind and pelting snow biting through her armor.

She couldn’t hear their song but she saw the glow of the yevara beneath the ice, inches from her face. They passed beneath her palms and she rubbed against the ice as if she could pet them. Jaal had told her how important they were to the angara, the living remnants of their past civilization and their life before the Scourge. 

It seemed as good a place to rest as any. 

Ryder pressed her face as close to the ice as her helmet would allow. It wasn’t worth fighting the weariness that seeped through her bones. She couldn’t even say what had woken her and why she had stumbled forward to begin with. It all seemed so pointless now. 

She was tried and the yevara would sing her to sleep.

* * *

 

When the Nomad finally signaled for extraction, Lexi made quick work of dispersing the lingering crew that hung around the cargo bay. “Everyone! Clear this area and stay out from under foot! I don’t want to see anyone near the medbay until I’ve signaled you all, am I understood?” 

Vetra opened her mouth to protest, but even Peebee knew better than to argue with the doctor and she waved her hand in front of her throat, motioning for Vetra to stay silent. 

“Good.” Lexi nodded, pleased with how well behaved the crew was, as they scampered away from the hold. She noticed Gil’s head poking from over the railing and she knew that Liam had purposely left his door open as he and Drack hid just out of sight, but none of those distractions mattered. 

She had an excess of energy that left her restless as she waited. Without the patient in front of her, it was difficult for her to direct her thoughts into productive planning. How long had Ryder been on Voeld? What were the extent of her injuries sustained during the initial fight and how had they been treated? Without that information she was left to plan for any number of situations and none were pleasant.

The Tempest shook all around her as they landed and the floor began to heave, the ramp lowering for the Nomad to drive directly into the belly.

It was hard to say how the moment would pass before it had happened. 

Sometimes things would unfold around her as if in slow motion, each heart beat and pump of blood slowed down to a thousand times their natural pace, her hands just as slow and clumsy in response. 

Other times she blinked and the damage had been done, a cavity filled with septic waste or brain activity snuffed out. 

It happened like that now. An empty cargo bay in front of her when she took a deep breath in, a press of metal as the Nomad rolled to a halt when she let the breath out. Jaal held Ryder in his arms, her helmetless face pressed against his chest and her arms folded loosely in her lap. She looked like she was - 

“She’s sleeping,” Cora said as she emerged behind Jaal. She had regained the color that she had lost while watching the video, but her eyes were still glazed and far off. Lexi made a note to check in with her after she had done a preliminary check on Ryder. “She’s… snoring and everything.” 

Sure enough Lexi could hear it, the gentle vibration of breath through Ryder’s nose. 

Lexi gave a wan smile and looked up at Jaal. “Take her to the medbay. Sleeping or not, she gets a full check up.”

As the two walked away from the hold, Lexi could hear Liam’s ghostly laugh behind her. “Just like her to take a nap while we’re all worried.” The joke almost echoed in the silence as half a dozen eyes trailed the limp legs dangling from Jaal’s embrace. 

* * *

 

It was one of those things that she hadn’t thought about until recently, but Ryder was beginning to find that she did not enjoy the sensation of waking up on a numb arm to a bright light in her face while nursing a drug specific hangover.  

“How kind of you to finally join us.”

That dry, merciless tone. It didn’t matter that the light made her head hurt and pushing herself up made her want to vomit, she had to see. She had to confirm that what she was hearing was true. 

“Easy now,” Lexi warned, her hands pressing gently, yet firmly, against Ryder’s chest. “You were lucky that we found you before you lost anything more serious.”

“What?” Ryder raised one arm in the air and tried to wiggle the one pinned beneath her. She counted ten fingers, craned her neck to try and see her toes.

“I’m kidding. See how it feels to be worried?” A joke, wrapped in a lesson, delivered with the cool tone of a disinterested physician. 

It wasn’t a dream. 

Tears sprung from Ryder’s eyes and she was too glad to wipe them away, not even the least bit ashamed as they slid down her cheeks. Maybe at another time she would wonder about whether it was good for crew morale for the pathfinder to sob, but right now it felt good. 

Lexi’s warm hands framed Ryder’s face, the friendly blue face coming into focus through the glaze of tears. “I knew you would like the joke,” she said, her thumbs tracing circles across Ryder’s cheeks. 

They stayed like that for a while, Lexi perched on the edge of the bed, holding Ryder as she cried. She alternated between stroking Ryder’s hair, face and arms, making low, comforting sounds as she did. 

“I’m okay,” Ryder finally said, the last of her tears drying against her lips. “I’m all out of water.” 

“I’m not surprised given how dehydrated you are.” Lexi stood up, pulling out a data pad as she did. It was back to business, the softness of her tone replaced by the pointed inflection of a doctor. “I have a few questions. I’m sorry if this is a lot for you, and you can let me know if you need to stop, but I have to be sure.”

Ryder nodded, a go ahead for questions. 

“You have a new scar on your shoulder that was healed professionally, but you have one on your back that was… not.”

Ryder winced as she remembered Jaal’s knife cutting into her shoulder and the further damage she had done trying to hold onto the shuttle as it flew away. That had been another tube of medi gel - “ _wasted_ ,” as Murphy had reminded her for the second time. 

“My back?” she asked, her voice heavy with confusion and exhaustion. She had just woken up, but after that cry she was ready for another nap.

“It was stitched by hand. It’s healed well enough,” Lexi shrugged as if that was all that mattered, but her eyes were hooded and wary. “When did you sustain the injuries?” 

Hand stitching on her back? That didn’t make any sense. Ryder knew for a fact that Lia had used medi gel, had felt the barely there knot of  scar tissue herself as she had changed into the jumpsuit she had been given.

She tried to think back to her few moments of lucidity on Voeld, crawling through the snow. Her back had hurt then. Had something happened after her meeting with Lonny? 

Thoughts of Lonny darkened her expression and she hunched her shoulders. She could still feel his hands pressed against hers, that sad far away look on his face as he asked her about her school days. 

“Ryder, what’s wrong?”  Lexi’s hands were on her shoulders, a firm and friendly grasp to bring her back to the present. 

“It’s… I don’t remember,” she lied. “I can’t remember a lot of the - “ she stumbled, “ - t-times that have happened.” 

“You can’t remember the _times_ that have happened?” 

Shit, that was a half assed lie, but she couldn’t give away that she knew how much time had passed. Maybe it was stupid of her to keep her time with Lonny secret, and she assured herself that she would talk about it… later. When she was ready. 

“I’m sorry, Lexi, I’m really tired. Can I sleep?” 

Lexi didn’t say anything and Ryder avoided looking up, just  in case her face gave her away and Lexi pressed for more solid answers. 

“Jaal has been asking to see you,” Lexi finally said. “He’s been… distant since the ambush. I’ll let him know that you’re sleeping.”

As much as she wanted to see Jaal, she was tired and she didn’t think she could keep quiet about what had happened if questioneds. She knew, even without seeing him, that he would be blaming himself for her being shot. 

She was tired, but she owed him answers.

“That’s okay, you can send him in,” she said. “I think I have enough energy to talk for a bit.” 

This time she did look up, just in time to see Lexi’s knowing, half smile. “Mhmm, of course. I’ll let him know. Be right back.”

Ryder let her eyes rest in the few moments of silence that she had been afforded  as Lexi searched for Jaal. The quiet was nice, but it was the smell that Ryder appreciated the most. Or, rather, the lack of smell. 

She shifted, tried to roll onto her back but stopped when she felt the sharp, bright pain as the bed pressed against her.

“Oh, what the fuck?” she hissed. 

“Pathfinder, I am happy that you’re awake but I have something to share with you. I thought it best to wait until Dr. T’Perro was no longer in the room.”

“SAM!” Ryder shot up, her fingers reaching for her ears. Her comms had been taken, both her link to the exiles and the block against SAM. “Oh, SAM, I missed your voice.”

“I am detecting a foreign body located just below your skin.”

A vein near her eye throbbed. “What?”

“I am having a hard time deciphering what it is, but I have pinpointed the location to the wound on your back.”

Her fingers found where a bullet had punctured her just a few days before. She had been healed, she was sure of it, but now the whole area was sore. The closer she inched to the wound the sharper the pain became. She willed herself to keep going, brushing her fingers against the lump of skin that had been stitched back together. 

_Lump._ Not a good thing.

“SAM, what’s going on?”

“I am unfamiliar with the material that is present in your body, but it cannot be picked up by the ship’s medical scanners. I withheld the information from Dr. T’Perro when she asked for an internal report.”

“You can _lie_? Why would you do that?”

Before SAM could answer, the medbay doors opened up. Ryder’s attention, the bewilderment from her interrupted conversation with SAM still written across her face, snapped to the door. 

Her heart hammered as she took in the hunch of his shoulders and the frown that creased his face. Jaal had the same hard look in his eyes that he’d had on Eos while hovering over her as he pressed her head into the dirt. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for being patient while I was away! Finals are in a week and a half (or something, idk, I just know that the feeling of dread is CLOSER THAN EVER), and after that I'm traveling back home to visit my family. Until the middle of July, I may only post every other week and at some point I may sleep for 17 days.
> 
> I'm really ready for summer vacation.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for being so patient as I finish my term and update so sporadically! Three finals to go! As of Tuesday I am dooooooone until September. :) Expect weekly updates to start up again in another two weeks (or so). And, as always, huge thanks to my editing team. xoxo

Angara wore their emotions openly and proudly, which made them ideal for conflict resolution and less than ideal for espionage. Lying wasn’t unheard of, but hiding emotions or forcing a show that didn’t hold true to what one was feeling was a foreign feeling to most. Some, like Evfra, may have mastered it, but Jaal was always uncomfortable when he was forced to lie.  _ And _ he was bad at it.

Despite his intentions when boarding the Tempest all those months ago, he had proven how unfit for the job he was during his correspondence with Evfra. His updates at first were appropriately detail oriented - the layout of the ship and the crew’s duties discussed most. Over time his e-mails became longer, his personal feelings becoming more and more apparent. Details about his outings, the missions they were running and the crew’s relationship, lost their tone of indifference and began to read like journal entries.  

The night - it was disorienting to remember that it had only been a few days ago - Ryder had been taken had been the worst night he could recall in recent memory. During the immediate aftermath, the tense extraction and furious activity that consumed the Tempest, he had forgotten that his allegiance first and foremost was with the angara. For a short time his priority had been Ryder and he would have done anything to get her back.  

On Eos that all changed and the guilt he felt for forgetting about his people was overwhelming, and he wondered if it would break him. He had thought about asking Evfra to remove him from the post, but his own stubbornness wouldn’t allow it. He had already lost his focus once, the least he could do was sit through a lecture and return to the Tempest with a renewed sense of purpose. 

Evfra’s lectures were not easy to sit through, however. 

All that turmoil had been nothing compared to what Jaal felt when he walked into the medbay after Ryder had finally woken up. Her eyes darted to him the instant the doors slid open, her nostrils flared and the whites of her eyes tinged pink. She looked awful and his resolve sank. The urge to take her hands in his face, press color back into her cheeks and lips through the warmth of his hands, was overwhelming. 

Evfra had been right, he reflected briefly. Then he hardened himself again, remembering those same eyes gazing up at him moments before she punched a shockwave into his chest and sent him tumbling backwards. He had tasted metal for a few hours after that. 

“Hey,” she croaked, the look of panic that had greeted him now contained. Was it hidden beneath a smile or was she actually smiling, happy to see him? 

“You’re looking…” he paused, trying to think of something appropriate to say. “Well.” 

She grinned and patted her cheeks with the back of her hands. “You’re a bad liar.”  

“I suppose I am.” 

The pause filled the space between them. Jaal stared straight ahead, looking at a spot on the wall just to the left of her cheek. Ryder shifted on the bed, leaned back and then winced, pulling herself up once more. He noticed the way her mouth slackened from the pain, her fingers knotting in the thin sheet over her. 

“So,” she tried again, clearing her throat. She ran her hands through her hair, grimaced, and wiped them against the sheet. “ _ Soooo…. _ ” 

Jaal shifted his weight, his arms loose at his side. This was all familiar. Awkward silences as they both tried to figure each other out during impromptu visits in the tech lab. Only this time she was trying to gauge what had changed and he was trying to gauge what she was hiding. 

He may have been bad at lying, but she was just as bad when it came to hiding her emotions. There was more than just discomfort and embarrassment playing across her features. She was thinking about something, her eyes narrowed as she examined her hands, her lips moving to mouth something he couldn’t understand. She tilted her head, as if listening to something, and a series of wrinkles appeared between her brows.  

Her attention snapped back to him, her face slackening again. “You don’t have to stand in the door,” she said. She folded her legs beneath her, sitting up a little more straight and motioning to the space in front of her. “I kind of want to, uh, say that I’m sorry?” 

Again he felt a thud in his chest, his guard relaxing as he smiled down at her. He sat at the foot of the bed. “You have nothing to apologize for.”  

She shook her head and color flooded her cheeks, giving her a healthy shine that made her look almost normal. “I actually have a lot to apologize for, but that’s not what I meant. I want to apologize for what I’m about to ask you to do. SAM?”  

“Hello, Jaal.” 

Jaal’s suspicions flared and he hoped he did a better job in that moment hiding what he was thinking than she had just before. Despite his relationship - if it could be called that - with SAM, he was still inherently uneasy around the AI and uncomfortable with the thought of it lodged in Ryder’s brain. 

“SAM, tell Jaal what you just told me.”  

“Pathfinder, I wonder if - “

“I know what I’m doing,” she snapped. She winced at her own tone and closed her eyes, a ragged breath escaping between clenched teeth.

“I have performed an extensive diagnostic of the Pathfinder’s vital signs and overall health. Currently, I detect a foreign body located just beneath her skin.”

It took a moment for Jaal to understand what he was being told. He looked between Ryder and the ceiling where he heard SAM’s voice. She was watching him expectantly, her brow furrowed and her mouth frozen in a smile. 

He rose to his feet and started towards the door. “Lexi should be made aware of this immediately.” The logic of telling him rather than Lexi escaped him.

“No, Jaal, wait!” Something in her voice made him pause and he ignored his better judgement, holding back and looking at her over his shoulder. She was on her knees, her hands reaching out for him across the space. 

“It appears to be doing no damage and was able to avoid detection by the ship’s local body scanners,” SAM provided. 

Jaal turned to face her, his lips disappearing into a thin line.

“I think…” Ryder struggled to find the words, her eyes downcast as she tried to convince him to stay. “I think they knew we wouldn’t be able to find it on our scanners and they knew SAM would pick it up.”

_ They. _ The exiles. Or so he had thought. Exiles in the past had earned the ire of the Pathfinder and Nexus alike. Whoever  _ they  _ had been,  _ they  _ had meant more to Ryder than she was letting on. Jaal wondered if she had come to appreciate their cause after they had taken her, or if it had all been planned. 

Regardless of how sick the thought made him, he owed it to Evfra and the Resistance to find out more. The Nexus and her people were guests in their galaxy. For now. If any of them became a danger to his people, even the human Pathfinder Sara Ryder, he would need to find out all he could before he was able to do anything more. 

“What does this mean?” he asked her. 

The color had gone from her face again and her eyes looked more red than they had moments before. “Promise you won’t freak out?”

* * *

 

Over and over again Ryder heard Lia’s final message:  _ “Don’t trust that the Milky Way is really that far behind us.” _

SAM, for whatever reason, had decided that it was best to tell her, cutting Lexi out of the loop and leaving the decision up to her about what to do. She couldn’t trust the exiles, but she couldn’t shake the warning. If there was no one from the Milky Way she could trust, who did that leave?

One very suspicious and agitated angara.

She had been present when Evfra agreed to let Jaal measure their worth aboard the Tempest, but she had never had any disillusions about Jaal’s loyalty to the Resistance and the angara. It had been safe to assume that he would have been reporting some things back to Evfra, or at least painting a clear enough picture that the Resistance leader knew what they were up to.

Maybe it was wishful thinking, but she thought maybe he had made room for loyalty to the Tempest and her crew as well. If he hadn’t, would he still be here after their encounter on Eos? He didn’t need to say anything for her to read all over his face that he knew who it had been beneath that bandana. 

She had to prove to him that she could be trusted, and she needed to make it clear that she needed him.

“No,” he said slowly, “I will not…  _ freak _ out.” 

If he wasn’t going to freak out that meant she couldn’t freak out, either. She had to just say it before she thought better of it. She patted the bed again and waited from him to sit. She sat on her hands to keep from fiddling with her hair and thought about how she needed a shower.

“You have to get whatever this is out of me. I know where it is, it’s in the original - you’re freaking out, I can tell.”

He shook his head but found something of greater interest on the floor. “I wonder if it isn’t best that we find Lexi? After all, she is a doctor.”

“Jaal, please. Think of this as an amazing opportunity to dissect an alien.”

He shook his head again but she saw the smile tug at the corner of his lips. “That is a bad joke,” he told her. 

“I thought you might like that one.” This was good, it felt like familiar territory. The tension in the air softened. 

“I will,” he said after a pause. “But only in exchange for something. What do you call it?  _ Tit for that _ ?”

“Tat,” she corrected.

“Yes,  _ tat for that _ . Agreeable?”

 “You get to cut into me, how are you not already getting something out of this that’s way cooler than any other opportunity you will ever have with another alien?”

The tension was back. For a split second his eyes rolled to her shoulder, a look of distress washing over his features. She tried to turn away, wiggling to the side as if she was adjusting her sitting position and hadn’t noticed his gaze. 

“Agreed,” she said quickly. A change of subject and her willingness to accept his questioning would, she hoped, bring back the affable atmosphere. “I’ll even be a good sport and let you ask first.” 

She was hoping to see his smile return. Instead he frowned and took a deep breath, his chest puffing out. He leveled her with his stare, his gaze unwavering and hard. She squirmed and realized that she had backed herself into a corner. He was going to ask her what she was doing on Eos. 

“Listen,” she began, eager to get it right out of the gate. “I - “ 

“Could you hear the yevara? Is that why you went to the lake?”

“What do you mean?” The question caught her off guard.

“We received navpoints that would lead us to you. When Cora and I arrived, we found the remnants of a kett encampment. It had long since been empty, but someone had set up a heat lamp. I could see where you had been and then the trail leading towards the lake.”

 “All I remember is being very cold and going forward. I don’t remember being taken to Voeld or why I kept walking.” She chuckled and pressed fingers against her trembling eyelids. “I don’t even know if I’ve slept the last few days or if I just keep getting knocked out.”  

“The yevara play an important role in Angaran folklore,” Jaal said. The bed shifted as he moved and Ryder felt a finger brush against her knee. 

“Do they lead women through the snow and to their death?”

“No. They pull the sun out from behind shadow and part the sky to reveal the stars.” 

“Am I the sun or the shadow?” she wondered, opening her eyes.

Jaal didn’t answer.


	10. Chapter 10

Hey y'all! I wanted to post a chapter update so those who subscribe will get the notification and so new readers will know what to expect when they get to this point.

I came back from my vacation/hiatus to find that half the team at work had left. Because I'm out of school for the summer, I was asked to pick up some of the slack and am now working every day. Even though I'm still active the same amount of days as when I was juggling school and work, the hours are more grueling and as of right now I have to admit that I'm really tired. 

I've tried writing each day this week for the next chapter and something just isn't working. Between the extra hours at work and my own projects that I'm dedicated to this summer, I feel as if I'm starting to resent the time I need to set aside to continue this piece. 

I love the characters and the world, and I'm still really excited to share what happens to Sara Ryder as she continues to uncover more about the exiles who took her. But right now I don't have the stamania or time, or the stamania to make the time. 

For right now I will be putting Blood of the Brotherhood on hiatus, though I don't know when to say that I'll be back. Maybe things at work will shape up at work sooner than I expected! Maybe I need to wait until school starts back up and my work hours are limited to the weekend.

Thank you to everyone who has been dedicated to the journey so far and to everyone who has left comments and encouragement. You all are the reason it felt so difficult to say I needed a break. I didn't want to disappoint any of you and I didn't want to have to write this post.

I will still be doing one shots and prompts as requested (and as time allows), so drop by my inbox anytime to shoot me a prompt! 

Huge thanks to you all, and I hope in the near future the next notification you receive from me is the chapter update you all - and the Tempest crew - deserve.

xoxo  

 


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